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Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.” However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs. 1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!” 2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond. 3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best. 4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well. 5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace. 6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action. 7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future. 8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs. 9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts. 10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals. 11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone. 12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game. 13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you? The One Essential Ingredient To Meaningful Success Many of the headlines in 2013 promised to solve all our problems with “5 amazing tips or in 7 to 10 easy steps.” I’m a basic guy, so I appreciate when someone takes the time to research, evaluate, and extract meaningful elements from complex sources. I began wondering, could we narrow the tips and steps down even further to one core element? The purpose of this column is to help individuals from all walks of life to achieve success at work. In my 30+ years as a participant in the “game of work,” there is one common denominator that is always present and several others that come in a close second. I asked a few of my associates at Fishbowl to chime in, too, and we have worked as a team to discover the one central ingredient that we believe is, above all else, most important for achieving overall success at work. Is it an honest, steadfast work ethic? Showing up and working hard are important. Being efficient and effective also ranked high in the headlines this year. Our team expressed that it is important to forgive when co-workers “Fail Up” with the central theme of my book, The 7 Non-Negotiables of Winning, published by Wiley this year that chronicles the history of our company and some of my personal challenges. Is it possessing an extraordinary skill set? It doesn’t hurt to hone your skills and identify new skills you may wish to obtain. Is it charisma and personality? Steve Jobs stated that, “It’s not about charisma and personality, it’s about results and products and those very bedrock things that are why people at Apple and outside of Apple are getting more excited about the company and what Apple stands for and what its potential is to contribute to the industry.” Could it be luck? We tend to agree with Lucius Annaeus Seneca who said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Could it be they believed wholeheartedly in what they are doing? So what is that one thing that certain individuals possess that helps them achieve extraordinary things in life? The items listed above certainly come into play. Yet the one ingredient that we believe is essential for lasting success is perhaps the simplest and most often overlooked. It is the individual who can remain “of good cheer” regardless of how hard the winds of circumstance blow. This is not the same as wearing rose-colored glasses or taking a Zen “everything happens for a purpose” approach. An individual of authentic good cheer is realistic and probably has an equal measure of good and not-so-good days. People “of good cheer” actually become stronger in their optimism and their ability to look for bright spots even when the tempests of life are raging. It is a simple choice. The best example of an enduring leader who exemplified these traits is Abraham Lincoln. He suffered enormous trials. He lost a son, suffered from depression, fought a war… yet still he remained a gentle man of good cheer who instilled hope whenever he could. One of his most famous quotes, “Whatever you are, be a good one,”reveals a great deal about the character of this extraordinary leader. I also believe that Steve Jobs exemplified “good cheer” in his final days. I don’t recall ever hearing of him complaining about his burdens or how unfair the turn of events that determined he would leave this world early. Much has been written about his early days, his passion and temper. We can all be grateful for what we learned from Jobs. I can be all-out, extreme, and passionate about our company, the people, and what we sell and do, but I have learned to soften my pace and realize that I don’t have to create a massive fire over everything. I can take a breath, be of good cheer, be patient, and just try to create lasting success. So there you have it. Our No. 1 ingredient for achieving success is quite simple. Why is it so important and what does it have to do with achieving lasting success? Everyone wants to work with people of good cheer. They have the gift of being able to rise above circumstances, no matter what. They are humble and they understand the true meaning of the word “humility,” which is the ability to learn from any experience. And their positive personalities are contagious. We encourage you to give “good cheer”a try and let us know how it works out for you. Look for ways to build up everyone around you rather than undermining them or pointing out what is wrong. If something goes wrong, think of Honest Abe, be of good cheer, and figure out what you can learn from the experience to help you in life or at work further down the road. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel, “said Maya Angelou. A person of good cheer achieves meaningful success because they understand that genuine success is created when you care more about how your work makes others feel than your own personal acclaim.