英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事 A busi ness man wal k s into a bank in San Francisco and as k s for the loan officer. He say s he is goi ng to Europe on business for two week s and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer s ay s the bank will need s ome k ind of sec urity for s uch a loan. So the businessman hands ov er the key s to a Rolls Roy c e par k ed on the street in front of the bank. Ev er y thi ng chec k s out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An empl oy ee dri v es the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and par k s it there. Two week s later, the business man returns, repay s the $5,000 and the inter est, which comes to $15.41. The loan offic er say s, "We are very happy to have had y our busi ness, and this trans action has wor ked out v er y nic ely, but we are a little puzzl ed. While you were away, we chec ked y ou out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is why would y ou bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman r eplied, "Where else i n San Francisco c an I park my car for two week s for $15 buc k s?" Once upon a ti me two brothers who lived on adj oining far ms fell into c onflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing mac hiner y, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long c ollaboration fell apart. It began with a s mall misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and fi nall y it exploded into an ex c hang e of bitter words followed by week s of silenc e. One mor ning there was a knoc k on J ohn's door. He opened it to find a man with a c arpenter's toolbox. "I'm l ook ing for a few day s wor k" he s aid. "Perhaps y ou would hav e a few s mall jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?" "Yes," sai d the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that far m. Th at's my neighbor, in fac t, it's my y ounger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldoz er to the river lev ee and now ther e is a cr eek between us. Wel l, he may hav e done this to spite me, but I'll go hi m one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want y ou to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fenc e -- so I won't need to s ee his plac e or his face anymore." The car penter s aid, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the pos t hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The ol der br other had to go to town, s o he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The car penter wor k ed hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering. About s unset when the farmer returned, the car penter had j ust finis hed his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fenc e there at all. It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fi ne piece of work handr ails and all -- and the neighbor, his y ounger brother, was c oming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've s aid and done." The two brothers s tood at each end of the bridge, and then they met i n the middle, ta k ing each other's hand. They turned to s ee the c arpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few day s. I'v e a lot of other projects for you," s aid the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build." 4 Sons These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."