A different sort of book
For everyone
Except for those who have
given up completely
(and even they might secretly enjoy it)
HOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERS
words and pictures by Trina Paulos
(1972)
A tale….
Partly about life
Partly about revolution
And lots about hope
For adults and others
(including caterpillars who can read)
HOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERSHOPE FOR THE FLOWERS
Trina Paulos
Many thanks
To everyone
All over the world
Who has helped me
Believe in the butterfly.
This is the tale
Of a caterpillar
Who has trouble
Becoming what
He really is.
It is like myself – like us.
Love
Trina
To the “more” of love – the real revolution
And my father who believed in it.
CHAPTER 1CHAPTER 1CHAPTER 1CHAPTER 1CHAPTER 1
Once upon a time
A tiny striped caterpillar
Burst from the egg
Which had been home
For so long.
“Hello world,” he said.
“It sure is bright out here in the sun.”
“I’m hungry,” he thought
and straightaway began to eat
the leaf he was born on.
And he ate another… and another….and another.
And got bigger…and bigger….and bigger….
Until one day he stopped
Eating and thought,
“There must be more to life
that just eating and
getting bigger.
“It’s getting dull.”
So Stripe crawled down
From the friendly tree
Which had shaded and
fed him.
He was seeking more.
There were all sorts of new
things to find. Grass and dirt
and holes and tiny bugs –
each fascinated him.
But nothing satisfied him.
When he came across some
other crawlers like himself he
was especially excited.
But they were so busy eating
They had no time to talk –
Just as Stripe had been.
“They don’t know any more
about life than I do," he sighed.
Then one day
Stripe saw some
crawlers really
crawling.
He looked around for
their goal
and saw a great
column rising high
into the air.
When he joined them he discovered….
….the column was a pile
of squirming, pushing
caterpilalrs –
a caterpillar pillar.
It appeared that the
caterpillars were trying
to reach the top –
but the top was so lost in
the clouds
that Stripe had no
idea what was there.
He felt new excitement –
like sap rising in the
spring.
“Maybe I’ll find what
I’m looking for.”
Full of agitation Stripe asked a
fellow crawler:
“Do you know what is happening?”
“I just arrived myself,” said the
other. “Nobody has time to
explain; they’re so busy trying to
get wherever they are going up
there.”
“But what’s at the top?”
continued Stripe.
“No one knows that either but it
must be awfully good because
everybody’s rushing there.
Goodbye, I’ve no more time!”
He plunged into the pile.
Stripe’s head was bursting with
the new drive. He couldn’t get
his thoughts together.
Every second another crawler
passed him and disappeared
into the pillar.
“There’s only one thing to do.”
He pushed himself in.
CHAPTER 2CHAPTER 2CHAPTER 2CHAPTER 2CHAPTER 2
The first moments on the
pile were a shock.
Stripe was pushed and kicked
and stepped on
from every direction.
It was climb or be climbed….
No more fellow caterpillars
on Stripe’s pile –
They became only threats
and obstacles which he
turned into steps and
opportunities.
They single-minded approach
really helped and Stripe
felt he was getting much
higher.
But some days it seemed he
could manage only to keep his
place.
It was especially then that
an anxious shadow nagged
inside. “What’s at the top?”
it whispered.
“Where are we going?”
On one exasperated day Stripe
couldn’t stand it any longer
and actually yelled back:
“I don’t know, but there’s no time
to think about it!”
A little yellow caterpillar he was
crawling over gasped:
“I was just talking to
myself,” Stripe mumbled.
“Its really isn’t important –
I was just wondering
where we were going?”
“You know,” Yellow said,
“I was wondering that myself
but since there is no way to find out I
decided it wasn’t important.”
She blushed at how silly this sounded –
quickly adding, “No one else seems to
worry about where we’re going so it
must be good.”
But she blushed again.
“How far are we from the top?”
Stripe answered gravely,
“Since we’re not at the bottom and not
at the top we must be in the middle.”
“Oh,” said Yellow, and they both began
climbing again.
But now Stripe had a new feeling.
He felt bad.
He had lost his singlemindedness.
“How can I step on someone I’ve just
talked to?”
Stripe avoided Yellow as much
as possible, but one day there
she was, blocking the only way
up.
“Well, I guess it’s you or me,”
he said, and stepped squarely
on her head.
Something in the way Yellow
looked at him made him feel
just awful about himself.
Like: no matter what is up
there - it just isn’t worth it.”
Stripe crawled off
Yellow and
whispered,
“I’m sorry.”
And Yellow began to cry:
“I could stand this life hoping in what
was ahead until I met you talking to
yourself that day. Since then my
heart hasn’t been in it – but I don’t
know what to do.”
“I didn’t know how badly I felt about
this life until now. Now when you look
at me so kindly, I know for sure I
don’t like this life. I just want to do
something like crawl with you and
nibble grass.”
Stripe’s heart leapt inside.
Everything looked different.
The pillar made no sense at all.
"I would like that too,” he whispered.
But this meant giving up the climb –
a hard decision.
“Yellow dear, maybe, we’re close to
the top.
Maybe if we help each other we can
get there quickly.”
“Maybe,” she said.
But they both knew this wasn’t what
they wanted most.
“Let’s go down,” Yellow said.
“Okay.” And they stopped climbing.
They clung to each other as masses
of caterpillars crawled over them.
The air was terrible but they were
happy with each other and made a
big ball so nobody could step in
their eyes and stomachs.
They did nothing at
all for what seemed a
long time.
Suddenly they didn’t
feel anything crawling
over them.
They unrolled and
opened their eyes.
They were at the
side of the
caterpillar pillar.
“Hi stripe,” said Yellow.
“Hi Yellow,” said Stripe.
And they crawled off into
some fresh, green grass
to eat and take a nap.
Just before they fell asleep
Stripe hugged Yellow.
“Being together like this is
sure different from being
crushed in that crowd!”
“It sure is!”
She smiled and closed her
eyes.
CHAPTER 3CHAPTER 3CHAPTER 3CHAPTER 3CHAPTER 3
So Yellow and Stripe
romped in the grass
and ate
and grew fat
and loved each other.
They were so glad
not to be fighting
everybody
every moment.
It was like heaven for a while.
But as time passed even hugging each
other seemed a little boring.
Each know every hair of each other.
Stripe couldn’t help
wondering,
“There must be still
more to life.”
Yellow saw how restless he
was and tried to make him
extra happy and
comfortable.
“Just think how much
better this is than that
awful mess we have left,”
she said.
“But we don’t know what’s at
the top,” he answered.
“Maybe we were wrong to
come down. Maybe now that
we’ve rested the two of us
could make it to the top.”
“Dear Stripe, please,” she begged.
"We can have a nice home and we
love each other and that’s enough.
It’s much more than all those
lonely climbers have.”
She was so sure, Stripe
let her convince him.
But only for awhile —————
Stripe’s hankering for the climbing
life worsened. The pillar haunted
him. He crawled there regularly,
looking up and wondering.
But the top remained clouded.
One day at the pillar, three thuds
startled Stripe.
Three big caterpillars had fallen from
someplace and smashed.
Two seemed dead but one still
wiggled.
Stripe whispered, “What happened?”
"Can I help?”
He made out just a few words.
“The top….they’ll see….
Butterflies alone…”
The caterpillar died.
Stripe crawled home and
told Yellow.
They were both very sober
and quite. What did the
mysterious message mean?
Had the caterpillars fallen
from the very top?
Finally, Stripe announced:
“I’ve got to know. I must go and find out the
secret of the top.”
And more gently, “Will you come and help me?”
Yellow struggled inside.
She loved Stripe and wanted to be with him.
She wanted to help him succeed.
But —————— she just couldn’t believe that
the top was worth all it asks to get there.
She wanted to get “up” too; the crawling
life wasn’t enough for her either.
She also had to admit that it looked like
the pile was the only way to do it.
Stripe seemed to sure that Yellow felt
ashamed not to agree. She also felt stupid
and embarrassed since she could never put
her reasons into words that his kind of logic
would accept.
Yet somehow, waiting and not being sure was
better than action she couldn’t believe in.
She couldn’t explain, she couldn’t
prove anything – but for all her love
she couldn’t go with Stripe.
She just knew climbing was a wrong
way to get high.
“No,” she said, heartsick.
And Stripe left her for his climb.
CHAPTER 4CHAPTER 4CHAPTER 4CHAPTER 4CHAPTER 4
Yellow was desolate without
Stripe.
She crawled daily to the pile
looking for him and returning
home at night sad, but half
relieved that she never saw him.
If she had, she feared she might
plunge after him knowing that she
shouldn’t.
She felt like doing something,
anything, rather that this
uncertain waiting.
“What in the world do I really
want? she sighed.
“It seems different every few
minutes.”
“But I know there must be more.”
Finally she became numb and
wandered away from everything
familiar.
One day a grey haired
caterpillar hanging upside down
on a branch surprised her.
He seemed caught in some hairy
stuff.
“You seem in trouble,” she said.
“Can I help?”
“No, my dear, I have to do this
to become a butterfly.”
Her whole inside leapt.
“Butterfly – that word,”
she thought.
“Tell me Sir, what is a
butterfly?”
“It’s what you are meant to become.
It flies with beautiful wings and joins
the earth to heaven.
It drinks only nectar from the flowers
and carries the seeds of love from one
flower to another.”
“Without butterflies the world would
soon have few flowers.”
“It can’t be true!”
grasped Yellow.
“How can I believe
there’s a butterfly
inside you or me
when all I see is
a fuzzy worm?”
“How does one become a
butterfly?” she asked pensively.
“You must want to fly so much
that you are willing to give up
being a caterpillar.”
“You mean to die?” asked Yellow,
remembering the three who fell
out of the sky.
“Yes and No,” he answered.
“What looks like you will die but
what’s really you will still live.
Life is changed not taken away.
Isn’t that different from those
who die without ever becoming
butterflies?”
“And if I decide to become a
butterfly,” said Yellow hesitantly.
“What do I do?”
“Watch me. I’m making a cocoon.
“It looks like I’m hiding, I know,
but a cocoon is no escape.
“It’s an in–between house where
the change takes place.
“It’s a big step since you can
never return to caterpillar life.
“During the change, it will seem
to you or to anyone who might
peek that nothing is happening –
but the butterfly is already
becoming.
“It just takes time!”
“And there’s something else!
“Once you are a butterfly,
you can really love – the
kind of love that makes a
new life. It’s better than all
the hugging caterpillars can
do.”
“Oh, let me go and get
Stripe,” Yellow said. But she
sadly knew he was far into
the pile to possibly reach.
“Don’t be sad,” said her new
friend. “If you change, you
can fly and show him how
beautiful butterflies are.
Maybe he will want to
become one too!”
Yellow was torn in anguish:
“What if Stripe comes back and I’m not
there? What if he doesn’t recognize my
new self? Suppose he decides to stay a
caterpillar?
“At least we can do something as
caterpillars – we can crawl and eat.
We can love in some way.
How can two cocoons get
together at all?
How awful to get stuck in a cocoon?”
How could she risk the only life she
knew when it seemed so unlikely she
could ever be a glorious winged
creature?
What did she have to go on?
- Seeing another caterpillar who
believed enough to make his own
cocoon.
- And that peculiar hope which had
kept her off the pillar and leapt
within her when she heard about
butterflies.
The grey-haired caterpillar
continued to cover himself with
silky threads. As he wove the
last bit around his head he
called:
“You’ll be a beautiful butterfly
– we’re all waiting for you!”
And Yellow decided to risk for a
butterfly.
For courage she hung right
beside the other cocoon and
began to spin her own.
“Imagine, I didn’t even know I
could do this. That’s some
encouragement that I’m on the
right track. If I have inside me
the stuff to make cocoons –
maybe the stuff of butterflies is
there too.”
CHAPTER 5CHAPTER 5CHAPTER 5CHAPTER 5CHAPTER 5
Stripe made much faster progress
this time. He was bigger and
stronger since he had taken time
out. From the beginning he
determined to get to the top.
He especially avoided meeting the
eyes of other crawlers. He knew
how fatal such contact could be.
He tried not to think of yellow.
He disciplined himself neither to
feel nor to be distracted.
Stripe didn’t seem just “disciplined”
to others – he seemed ruthless.
Even among climbers he was special.
He didn’t think he was against
anybody. He was just doing what
he had to if he was to get to the top.
“Don’t blame me if you
don’t succeed! It’s a
tough life. Just make
up your mind,” he would
have said had any
caterpillar complained.
Then one day
he was near
his goal.
Stripe had done well but when
light finally filtered down from
the top, he was close to
exhaustion.
At this height there was almost
no movement. All held their
positions with every skill a
lifetime of climbing had taught
them. Every small move counted
terribly.
There was no communication.
Only the outsides touched.
They were like cocoons to one
another.
Then one day Stripe heard a
crawler above him saying,
“None of us can get any higher
without getting rid of them.”
Soon after, he felt tremendous
pressure and shaking.
Then came screams and falling
bodies.
Then silence; lots more light
and less weight from above.
Stripe felt awful with this new
knowledge. The mystery of the
pillar was clear.
He now knew what had
happened to the three
caterpillars.
He now knew what must always
happen on the pillar.
Frustration surged through
Stripe. But as he was agreeing
this was the only way “up” he
heard a tiny whisper from the
top.
“There’s nothing here at all!”
It was answered by another:
“Quiet fool! They’ll hear you down the pillar. We’re where they want to
get. That’s what’s here!”
Stripe felt frozen. To be so high and not high at all!
It only looked good from the bottom.
The whisper came again,
“Look over there-another pillar – and there too – everywhere!”
Stripe became angry as well as frustrated.
“My pillar,” he moaned, “only one of thousands."
“Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere!"
“Something is really wrong…
what else is there?”
His life with Yellow seemed so far away.
That wasn’t it either – not quite.
“Yellow!” He let her image fill his being.
“You knew something, didn’t you? Was it courage to wait?”
“Maybe she was right. I wish I were with her.”
“I could go down,” he thought. “I’d look ridiculous but maybe it’s better
than what’s happening here.”
But Stripe’s thought was interrupted by
bursts of movement all over his level.
Each seemed to be making a last effort
to find some entry to the top. But with
every push the top layer tightened.
Finally one caterpillar gasped,“Unless
we try together nobody will reach the
top. Maybe if we give one big push!
“They can’t hold us down forever!”
But before they could act there were
cries and commotion of another kind.
Stripe struggled to the edge to see the
cause.
A brilliant yellow winged creature was
circling the pillar, moving freely – a
wonderful sight! How did it get so high
without climbing?
When Stripe poked out
his head the creature
seemed to recognize him.
It extended its legs and
tried to grab him.
Stripe caught himself just
before being pulled out of
the pile. The brilliant
creature let go and
looked sadly into his
eyes.
That look activated
excitement Stripe hadn’t
felt since he first saw
the pillar. Words from
the past returned,
“………butterflies alone.”
“Is this a butterfly?”
And what did it mean –
“the top ….. they’ll see…”?
It was all so strange and yet
like it was supposed to be.
And those eyes with the
look of Yellow.
Could it be…?
Such impossible thoughts!
Yet the excitement inside
wouldn’t stop.
He grew happy.
Somehow he could escape,
he could be carried away.
But as this possibility became real,
something else grew inside.
He felt he shouldn’t escape like this.
Looking into the creature’s eyes
he could hardly bear the love he
saw there. He felt unworthy.
He wanted to change, to make
up for all the times he had
refused to look at the other.
He tried to tell her
what he felt.
He stopped struggling.
The others stared at him
as though he were mad.
CHAPTER 6CHAPTER 6CHAPTER 6CHAPTER 6CHAPTER 6
He turned around and began down
the pillar. This time he didn’t curl up.
He stretched out full length and
looked straight into the eyes of
each caterpillar.
He marveled at the variety and
beauty, amazed that he had never
noticed it before.
He whispered to each, “I’ve been up;
there’s nothing there.”
Most paid no attention; they were too
intent on climbing.
One said, “Its sour grapes.
He’s bitter. I bet he never made
it to the top.”
But some were
shocked and even
stopped climbing to
hear him better.
One of these
whispered in anguish,
“Don’t say it even if
it’s true. What else
can we do?”
Stripe’s answer shocked
them all – including himself!
“We can fly!
“We can become butterflies!
“There’s nothing at the top
and it doesn’t matter!”
As he heard his own
message he realized how
he had misread the instinct
to get high.
To get to the “top” he
must fly, not climb.
Stripe looked at each
caterpillar inebriated
with joy that there could
be a butterfly inside.
But the reaction was worse
than before. He saw fear in
eyes. They didn’t stop to
listen or speak.
This happy, glorious news,
was too much to take – too
good to be true.
And if it wasn’t true?
The hope that lit up the
pillar dimmed. All seemed
confused and unreal.
The way down was so
immensely long.
The vision of the butterfly
faded.
Doubts flooded Stripe,
The pile took on horrible
dimensions.
He struggled on – barely –
blindly.
It seemed wrong to give up -
believing seemed impossible.
A crawler sneered, “How could
you swallow such a story?
Our life is earth and climbing.
Look at us worms! We couldn’t
be butterflies inside. Make
the best of it and enjoy
caterpillar living!”
“Perhaps he’s right,” sighed
Stripe. “I haven’t any proof.
Did I only make it up because
I needed it so much?”
And in pain he continued
down searching for those
eyes which would let him
whisper.
“I saw a butterfly – there
can be more to life.”
One – day –
finally –
He was down.
CHAPTER 7CHAPTER 7CHAPTER 7CHAPTER 7CHAPTER 7
Tired and sad, Stripe
crawled off to the old
place where Yellow and he
had romped.
She was not there and he
was too exhausted to go
further.
He curled up and fell
asleep.
When he finally awoke
he found the yellow
creature fanning him
with wings of light.
“Is this a dream?”
he wondered.
But the dream creature acted
awfully real. She stroked him with
her feelers and most of all looked
at him so lovingly that he began to
trust that what he had said about
becoming a butterfly might be true.
She walked a little distance away,
then flew back. She repeated it as
if he should follow.
So he did.
They came to a
branch from
which hung two
torn sacks.
The creature
kept on inserting
her head, then
her tail, into
one of them.
Then she would
fly to him and
touch him.
Her feelers quivered
and Stripe knew she
was speaking.
He couldn’t make out
words.
Then slowly he seemed
to understand……
….Somehow he knew what to do.
Stripe climbed – again.
It got d
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