A Kiss for Kate

EveryafternoonwhenIcameondutyastheeveningnurse,Iwouldwalkthehallsofthenursinghome,pausingateachdoortochatandobserve.Often,KateandChris,theirbigscrapbooksintheirlaps,wouldbereminiscingoverthephotos.Proudly,Kateshowedmepicturesofbygoneyears:Chris—tall,blond,handsome;Katepretty,dark-haired,laughing.Twoyoungloverssmilingthroughthepassingseasons.Howlovelytheylookednow,sittingthere,thelightshiningontheirwhiteheads,theirtime-wrinkledfacessmilingatthememoriesoftheyears,caughtandheldforeverinthescrapbooks.Howlittletheyoungknowofloving,I'dthink.Howfoolishtothinktheyhaveamonopolyonsuchapreciouscommodity.Theoldknowwhatlovingtrulymeans;theyoungcanonlyguess.KateandChriswerealwaystogether—inthediningroom,thelounge,strollingaroundthebigporchesandlawns,alwaysholdinghands.Aswestaffmembersateoureveningmeal,sometimesKateandChriswouldwalkslowlybythedining-roomdoors.Thenconversationwouldturntoadiscussionofthecouple'sloveanddevotion,andwhatwouldhappenwhenoneofthemdied.WeknewChriswasthestrongone,andKatewasdependentuponhim.HowwouldKatefunctionifChrisweretodiefirst?Weoftenwondered.Bedtimefollowedaritual.WhenIbroughttheeveningmedication,Katewouldbesittinginherchair,innightgownandslippers,awaitingmyarrival.UnderthewatchfuleyesofChrisandmyself,Katewouldtakeherpill,thencarefullyChriswouldhelpherfromthechairtothebedandtuckthecoversinaroundherfrailbody.Observingthisactoflove,Iwouldthinkforthethousandthtime,goodheavens,whydon'tnursinghomeshavedoublebedsformarriedcouples?Alltheirlivestheyhaveslepttogether,butinanursinghome,they'reexpectedtosleepinsinglebeds.Overnightthey'redeprivedofacomfortofalifetime.Howveryfoolishsuchpoliciesare,IwouldthinkasIwatchedChrisreachupandturnoffthelightaboveKate'sbed.Thentenderlyhewouldbend,andtheywouldkissgently.Chriswouldpathercheek,andbothwouldsmile.Hewouldpullupthesiderailonherbed,andonlythenwouldheturnandaccepthisownmedication.AsIwalkedintothehall,IcouldhearChrissay,“Goodnight,Kate,”andherreturningvoice,“Goodnight,Chris,”whilethespaceofanentireroomseparatedtheirtwobeds.IhadbeenoffdutytwodaysandwhenIreturned,thefirstnewsIheardwas,“Chrisdiedyesterdaymorning.”“How?”“Aheartattack.Ithappenedquickly.”“How'sKate?”“Bad.”IwentintoKate'sroom.Shesatinherchair,motionless,handsinherlap,staring.Takingherhandsinmine,Isaid,“Kate,it'sPhyllis.”Hereyesnevershifted;sheonlystared.Iplacedmyhandunderherchinandslowlyturnedherheadsoshehadtolookatme.“Kate,IjustfoundoutaboutChris.I'msosorry.”Attheword“Chris”,hereyescamebacktolife.Shelookedatme,puzzled,asthoughwonderinghowIhadsuddenlyappeared.“Kate,it'sme,Phyllis.I'msosorryaboutChris.”Recognitionandsadnessfloodedherface.Tearswelledupandsliddownhercheeks.“Chrisisgone,”shewhispered.“Iknow,”Isaid.“Iknow.”WepamperedKateforawhile,lettinghereatinherroom,surroundingherwithspecialattention.Thengraduallythestaffworkedherbackintotheoldschedule.Often,asIwentpastherroom,IwouldobserveKatesittinginherchair,scrapbooksonherlap,gazingsadlyatpicturesofChris.BedtimewastheworstpartofthedayforKate.AlthoughshewasallowedtomovefromherbedtoChris'sbed,andalthoughthestaffchattedandlaughedwithherastheytuckedherinforthenight,stillKateremainedsilentandsadlywithdrawn.Passingherroomanhouraftershehadbeentuckedin,I'dfindherwideawake,staringattheceiling.Theweekspassed,andbedtimewasn'tanybetter.Sheseemedsorestless,soinsecure.Why?Iwondered.Whythistimeofdaymorethantheotherhours?ThenonenightasIwalkedintoherroom,onlytofindthesamewide-awakeKate,Isaidimpulsively,“Kate,coulditbeyoumissyourgood-nightkiss?”Bendingdown,Ikissedherwrinkledcheek.ItwasasthoughIhadopenedthefloodgates.Tearsrandownherface;herhandsgrippedmine.“Chrisalwayskissedmegood-night,”shecried.“Iknow,”Iwhispered.“Imisshimso,allthoseyearshekissedmegood-night.”ShepausedwhileIwipedthetears.“Ijustcan'tseemtogotosleepwithouthiskiss.”Shelookedupatme,hereyesfulloftears.“Oh,thankyouforgivingmeakiss.”Asmallsmileturnedupthecornersofhermouth.“Youknow,”shesaidconfidentially,“Chrisusedtosingmeasong.”“Hedid?”“Yes,”—herwhiteheadnodded—“andIliehereatnightandthinkaboutit.”“Howdiditgo?”Katesmiled,heldmyhandandclearedherthroat.Thenhervoice,smallwithagebutstillmelodious,liftedsoftlyinsong:Sokissme,mysweet,andsoletuspart.AndwhenIgrowtoooldtodream,Thatkisswillliveinmyheart.