WHAT IS A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

WHAT IS A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE WHAT IS A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE? As the name signifies, the Statement of Purpose is your personal statement about who you are, what has influenced your career path so far, your professional interests and where you plan to go from here. It need not be a bald statement of facts; several successful SoPs address these questions through anecdotes, stories or by describing their hero. But whether your SoP is subtle or to the point, it must be well written to be successful. This is because the SoP is the only part of your application packet over which you have full control. Your academic and extra-curricular records are in the past. Most people only take one or two shots at the GMAT, GRE or TOEFL, and these scores could be adversely affected by conditions on the test day. It is important to choose recommendation letter writers carefully, but while you hope they give you the best possible recommendation, this is not within your control. The SoP is your chance to talk directly to the admissions committee. To make yourself stand out from among a multitude of similarly qualified candidates. To convince the committee that you have the spark, the thirst for knowledge that could add value to your class. Most of us work hard for the standard tests – the GRE, GMAT, TOEFL and others. We attend classes or peruse study aids. We give practice tests and do everything within our power to aim for the highest possible score. Because we know that these test scores, while not a perfect tool, are crucial to our chances of gaining admission and even a scholarship or assistantship. The SoP or essay, on the other hand, is put off till the last possible moment. It scares us – we look at those oh-so-perfect essay examples in the admissions guidebooks and wonder how we can ever write so well. Or wonder what shining instance we can pick out of our normal, average lives to show that we are unique and remarkable. Or how to pick our way through the minefield of endless Do's and Don'ts. Or, after overcoming all these obstacles, we falter at the seemingly endless revisions, wondering if this latest draft is good enough (If I read that essay once more, I'll scream!). Finally we write something, because time’s a-pressing and we have to meet the application deadline. We do our best, juggling the writing process with the last-minute paraphernalia of applying – checking forms for errors and completeness, collating the application packets, making sure transcripts, recommendations, work samples and resumes go in their right envelopes, worrying about transit times. We feel thankful when the essay is over, do a quick scan for obvious mistakes, and send it on its way. If you do it this way, you are practically throwing away your chances of admission. A good SoP will certainly improve your chances of getting admission to the school of your choice, and even compensate for weaker portions of your application such as less-than-perfect grades. A bad SoP, on the other hand, has the potential to drag down an otherwise strong application. If you plan correctly, you can give yourself enough time to submit a well-written, thoughtful, polished essay that will boost your chances for admission. Equally important, this is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be rewarded by a better understanding of who you are. Writing a reasonably good Statement of Purpose is not an impossible task. It requires care, attention and patience. And enough time for you to be able to write several drafts, show them to people and polish the essay till you get a version you are happy with. Done right, this will even turn out to be an enjoyable process. And you will be the richer for it. Read on. 1 WHAT DO COLLEGES LOOK FOR IN A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE? The primary question admissions committee members ask themselves when they read a Statement of Purpose is: What does this essay tell me about the person who wrote it? Put yourself in an admission officer's shoes. From among thousands of applications, you have to choose the fraction of students that will comprise next year's incoming class. A mix of interesting, confident and enthusiastic people who will make the class a stimulating place. Academic achievements and good test scores are important. But in an era where the majority of applicants have good academic records, it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish between individuals and decide who gets the offer of admission. When you apply, each of the items in the application packet -recommendations, extra-curricular achievements, work samples - adds an extra dimension to your personality. But it is the SoP that brings you to life. Which is why each essay is read carefully by at least two and often four or five people before a decision is taken on the application. Does this mean that the SoP is the main deciding factor? No. Your academic record . grades and the courses you took- are the first section admission committee members turn to. Standardized test scores are useful to know where you stand in the applicant pool. For graduate schools, relevant work or academic experience is important. Being from a reputed school or college confers a distinct advantage. What your teachers or boss think of you goes a long way towards the school's opinion. A good work sample can show your creativity, skill and professionalism. However, only the SoP or application essays can bring out your uniqueness. And therefore make or break your application. An applicant who does not take the essay seriously is throwing away the best opportunity available. So are the admission officers looking for specific personality sorts? Well, yes and no. Creativity, curiosity, pride in your work, an enthusiasm for learning, a capacity for teamwork, the ability to think independently and so on are all good attributes, and most of us share these in varying proportions. But what schools look for is a mix of individuals that together, form a well-balanced class. This would include several personality types. It is good to go through the school's brochure or web site, speak to people about it, visit if that is possible; get a feel of the student mix that they look for and decide if this is the school for you. However, trying to tailor your SoP to reflect what you think the school is looking for is dangerous business. The people who read your application have been doing so for years and are skilled at spotting fakes. They are likely to know soon if a particular author is saying something for effect or if an essay does not ring true. And that means almost certain rejection. What is this, you might ask. Of course we want to have an effect on the admissions officers. The important thing is to do so without appearing dishonest. If, for instance, you talk about your deep desire to make society a better place, your application should reflect it. Have you done anything about this desire? Can you talk about your actions and experiences? A small example of something you did, not necessarily spectacular, can do more towards boosting your chances than the noblest platitude can. Don. t try to be something you are not. Don. t try to tell the admissions committee what you think they want to hear. Be honest, look inside yourself and do your best. 2 Which brings us to the next point - self-knowledge. The people who read your essay want to be convinced that you have thought long and hard about who you are, what are the things you appreciate, what inspires you. What you want out of life, and where you are going from here. It is not necessary to have all the answers . after all, several admirable people have no idea where they are going even at age 40 or 50. It is necessary to show that you have thought about this. And that these life experiences have taught you something. Finally, you have to show a desire to learn. From your books and teachers, from your classmates, from music or art, from life itself. Too vague for you? Turn to the section on starting your SoP and find out how these attributes translate into concrete steps. UNDERGRADUATE ESSAYS Vs GRADUATE ESSAYS While both undergraduate and graduate SoPs need to show honesty, self-knowledge and a desire to learn, the focus of each is different. The writer of the undergraduate essay need not have any idea of what will come after college. Rather, her focus is on showing how she has explored her world and interests. How she relates to people. How she forms her opinions. The graduate applicant, on the other hand, is expected to have a certain level of independent thinking. He is also expected to have a clear idea of why he wants to study further. As most graduate programs involve some financial aid from the school in return for teaching or research work done by the student, he needs to show that he is capable of such work. This is why graduate essays talk more about the applicant's professional or academic interests than about his personal life. Starting the essay Writing your admissions essays or Statement of Purpose (SoP) is a long and intensive process - ten to twelve drafts over a two-month period are fairly common. It is necessary to put in this hard work to come up with an essay that is uniquely yourself, and a compelling read which convinces the admissions committee that you are right for their school. This is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be rewarded by a better understanding of who you are and what you want. 3 Starting the essay Preliminary Research Write out your resume. It is best to get this out of the way so that your SoP is not a repetition of the information in the resume. It should instead, use the resume as a reference and highlight the learnings you have received during some key points in your career. There are a number of sites that help you to write a suitable resume for your college applications. You could also browse your local bookstore for resume-writing aids. Research the universities you are considering applying to. Find out the strengths and weaknesses of each. Good sources for this exercise are - university and department web sites and brochures, home pages of students, your seniors or friends who are studying at that university or in the same field elsewhere, your college professors, friends in the same field. If it is possible for you to access the university's web site, find out which professors work in areas that interest you and write to them about your plans. Some professors respond, some don't - but you have nothing to lose at this stage. In fact, you could gain a better idea about the areas of research emphasized upon by that particular department. After finding out some details about your potential universities, decide whether you still wish to apply there.While you should start work on this as early as possible, recognize that it is a long process and will continue through the various stages of writing your SoP. At the same time, you will have to draw the line at background research sometime as you are working on a timetable. Visit some web sites that talk about how to write your essay. A search for 'college admission essays' on Yahoo will yield some sites. Check out the sample essays. If you do not have easy access to the Internet, go to your local bookstore and browse through a few books. In India, 'The Princeton Review: The Student Access Guide to College Admissions' is good and easily available. Read their section on application essays. Remember that the essays you read are usually the best the authors could find. You are not expected to write as well; most people who get admission to top schools do not. WRITING TIPS Background Issues Ask yourself why you want to study further. Take a piece of paper and start writing down all the reasons. Spend about half an hour on this, so that you can go beyond cliched ideas like wanting to improve your prospects or contribute to society. Write a few sentences on any reason that particularly strikes a chord with you. Make lists of instances you can use in your SoP. For example, if you've been asked to talk about an important event in your life, list down events that have made a significant impression on you. Don't worry if these are events that are not 'conventionally' important or seem insignificant; what matters is that they have had some influence over you. Similarly, make a list of people you admire or who have influenced you - this could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, etc. and need not necessarily be a famous person. 4 Go through your resume and reflect on what you have learned from your various experiences. How have they molded your interests and led you to this point? Pick one or two cases that you can talk about in-depth. For graduate school, it is best to take at least one professional situation and show what you did and learned. Make a list of schools you plan to apply to. As you continue through the background check, you will add a few universities and delete several. A final shortlist of ten to fifteen schools is common. Ask yourself why you wish tostudy at each of the schools you have listed. For graduate study, it is important to ensure that your interests are compatible with the research interests of the department you are applying to. As you progress through the background check and understand more about your interests through subsequent revisions of the SoP, add to and improve the list WRITING Read the essay question carefully to find out what the university expects you to write about. While you don't have to stick to the questions asked, you must be sure to answer them all in your SoP. Refer to your lists of background research and write about two handwritten pages in response to the essay question. Go through them the next day. Remember that your essay has the following objectives: Show your interest in the subject. Rather than saying that you find electronics interesting, it is more convincing to demonstrate your interest by talking about any projects you may have done and what you learnt from them. If you have taken the initiative to do things on your own, now is the time to talk about them Show that you have thought carefully about further studies, know what you are getting into, and have the confidence to go through with it. Have the admissions committee like you! Avoid sounding opinionated, conceited, pedantic or patronizing. Read your essay carefully, and have others read it to find and correct this. Demonstrate a rounded personality. Include a short paragraph near the end on what you like to do outside of your professional life. Keep the essay focussed. Each sentence you use should strengthen the admissions committee's resolve to admit you. So while you may have done several interesting things in life, avoid falling into the trap of mentioning each of them. Your essay should have depth, not breadth. The resume is where you should list achievements. Remember that you have very little space to convey who you are, so make every sentence count. Pitfalls your essay must avoid : It is a repetition of the resume or other information available from the application form, It could have been written by just about anybody; your individuality does not come through, It is not a honest account in response to the essay question (why you want to study what you do, what you have learned from an event/person in your life and so on) It has embarrassing, highly personal and emotional content that should be avoided unless it makes a unique, creative point. The admissions committee would not appreciate reading about the pain you went through after breaking up with your boyfriend. An account of how you overcame difficult family circumstances, illness, or a handicap, would be a valid point to include in your essay. However, avoid emotional language 5 EDITING AND REWRITING Language Guidelines Take another 7-8 days to write 3-4 more drafts. Go through the objectives and pitfalls often. Refer to, and edit your lists as you go along. Flow While each paragraph should make a complete statement on its own, the essay should logically progress from paragraph to paragraph. Read your essay for flow, or have someone else read it, and ask yourself if there seems to be an abrupt shift between ideas in two consecutive paragraphs. Structure This follows naturally from flow. Do all the paragraphs mesh together to form a cogent whole? Does the essay, through a logical progression of ideas, demonstrate your interest, enthusiasm, and fit in the department you have applied to? Language Avoid slang and abbreviations. For acronyms, use the full form the first time and show the acronym in parentheses. Use grammatically correct English and ALWAYS read your essay carefully for spelling mistakes before you send it off - your computer's spellcheck may not flush out all the errors. Try to make your essay crisp, cutting out unnecessary adverbs, articles and pronouns (for instance, a careful reading may yield several "the's" that are superfluous). Tone Use a consistent tone throughout the essay - it will only confuse the admissions officers if you alternately sound like Ernest Hemingway and Shakespeare, and is hardly likely to endear you to them! While you should avoid flowery language and cliches, there is no harm in looking for the most apt phrase or sentence. Be careful while using humor - it can misfire and harm your chances. POLISHING Polishing your Statement of Purpose for Graduate School So now you have a coherent essay put together. You think the structure is more or less right, the ideas flow, and the language isn’t bad. What next? The ‘In their shoes’ check Put your essay away for a day or two. When you take it out, lay it face down for two minutes while you put yourself in the admissions committee’s place. Imagine yourself to be a professor or graduate student who is going through a few hundred applications and classifying them into ‘yes’, ‘maybe’ and ‘no’ piles. Think of how you would look at SoPs and try to read yours through a stranger’s eyes. What do you see? Showing your stuff around It is essential to show your SoP to a few people whose opinion you respect – an English teacher from school, a professor, an older friend, a parent or a relative. Include among these, 2-3 people who know you well. Ask your readers to pay particular attention to the following points: 6 Detailed description The final print-out Once you have the final draft ready (you have to stop sometime!), do the following before you take a final printout: Detailed description POLISHING The ‘In their shoes’ check Put your essay away for a day or two. When you take it out, lay it face down for two minutes while you put yourself in the admissions committee’s place. Imagine yourself to be a professor or graduate student who is going through a few hundred applications and classifying them into ‘yes’, ‘maybe’ and ‘no’ piles. Think of how you would look at SoPs and try to read yours through a stranger’s eyes. What do you see? , Remember that for graduate school, your essay need not be great writing. What the school is looking for is a competently written statement of goals and interests that demonstrates how you think, whether you have thought through this decision to apply, and whether your interests and strengths fit in with the program you are applying to. To this end, they expect to see the following in an essay – , What areas are you interested in and why, , How well defined your interests are, , Are these interests based on experience (academic or on the job) that the school may find useful, , Where do you see these interests taking you, , How do you think graduate school will help you, , What experience have you had that will help. Does your essay cover these points? Does it do so in an honest and interesting manner? Many of the students applying will have backgrounds similar to yours, so avoid cliched ideas. , Are you repeating information that is available from the resume? Do so very sparingly, and only if you are making a point about your learnings or achievements during that experience. Weed out all other information that sounds like repetition (it will only irritate the reader), or can be included in your resume, or does not actively contribute towards making a point in your essay. , Does your essay have an interesting beginning? This need not be witty, but should persuade the reader to stay with you. , Have you talked about specific incidents that illustrate your interest or familiarity with the subject, or show something about you? These incidents might include, for example: 7 , A college or work project that was instrumental in confirming your interest in the field (be sure to include a recommendation from your guide!), , Extra-curricular activities that brought out useful aspects in you (leadership skills or team activities are particularly helpful for business school applications!), , A book or person who had a strong influence on you. , Does the essay bring out your personality? Or could it have been written by just about anybody? , Have you mentioned why you are applying to that particular school? Does this section of the essay demonstrate that you have researched the school and the program? DON’T stop at the standard formula phrase, ‘I am applying to XYZ because of it’s great reputation in _______.’ , Does your essay flow smoothly? If it is choppy and abruptly jumps from paragraph to paragraph, your readers will have a tough time keeping up. Make it easy on them – smoothen the transition between paragraphs. , Is the tone too formal or not formal enough? Be professional yet informal – the tone you would take with your Principal or Head of Department, for instance. , Does the essay end well? Does it leave the reader with a sense of completion? Avoid usage of cliches like, ‘ I hope the admissions committee finds my application up to their expectations’. This self-check will yield a few ideas for improvement. Use it at least 3-4 times during this last stage of polishing up your SoP. Showing your stuff around It is essential to show your SoP to a few people whose opinion you respect – an English teacher from school, a professor, an older friend, a parent or a relative. Include among these, 2-3 people who know you well. Ask your readers to pay particular attention to the following points: The beginning and the end – do they hold interest? The logical and smooth flow of ideas – does each paragraph smoothly give way to the next? The structure – does each paragraph bring home a central idea and contribute to the overall ‘feel’ of the essay? Are the paragraphs in proper positions? The style and language – are they appropriate and consistent? Does the essay have too many cliches? Does it repeat particular words or phrases too often? Does it have too many superlatives? The tone – is it unnecessarily boastful or overly modest? 8 The quality of the essay – is it boring? Does it bring out the writer’s personality? Does it include superfluous information? Or conversely, are there incidents or aspects the essay should mention? Ask your readers to write their comments on the essay. Also, spend some time discussing it with them. Listen to their suggestions carefully but remember that this is your essay. You don’t have to implement every suggestion, only those that make sense to you. The Final Printout Once you have the final draft ready (you have to stop sometime!), do the following before you take a final printout: , Run a spelling and grammar check. , Read the essay carefully two-three times for spelling or grammar errors the program did not detect. , Look for and correct any anomalies in spacing, font and margins. , Choose a readable font and size, nothing fancy. Avoid special effects like underlining, boldface and italics (except in the title, if you have one). Don’t use colors. Don’t use special stationery or your letterhead. , Make sure that the school and program mentioned in the essay are correct. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. , Include a header in the top right-hand corner with your name and the name of the program you are applying to. Use a smaller font size for this. , Take a rough print and show it to someone else who can read it over carefully for errors and anomalies. , As far as possible, print out your SoP on a separate sheet of paper. Make sure that the printer cartridge is good enough to print clear, crisp copies. Put in a good-quality sheet of white paper. Keep the printed copy carefully in a folder till you are ready to transfer it to the application envelope. If you must print or write your essay on the application form itself, take a photocopy of the form. Print or write the essay on the copy first, to ensure that it fits easily in the space provided. If it doesn’t, and you don’t have the option of attaching more pages, cut portions of the essay to reduce its length. This is painful, but a much better idea than reducing font size to unreadable levels or using tiny, cramped handwriting – the essay should never cause strain while reading. While writing by hand, use a good pen, write slowly and carefully and if necessary, draw light pencil lines on the form to ensure that your letters are uniform and in a straight line. SAMPLE ESSAYS ESSAY 1 ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING 9 My decision to pursue graduate study in the United States is underscored by my desire to be a part of the graduate program at your institution. Purdue University offers the flexibility needed for such a vast and rapidly changing field. The research facilities and the faculty at the university are par excellent. review para1 Communications is an industry that has changed our lives. In a very short period it has changed the way we have looked at things since centuries. It is one industry that is going to shape our future for centuries to come. Hence my desire to do masters in electrical engineering with communications as my major. review para2 My interest in electronics blossomed during my high school years. It was the time when technology had begun to make an impact on the lives of people in India. Hence engineering with electronics as my major was the first choice for my undergraduate studies. Right since the beginning of my undergraduate study electronics is a subject that has fascinated me with its power of applications. The subjects that I have studied include Linear Electronics, Digital Electronics. These laid the foundation for my courses in Electronic Communication & Communication Systems at a later stage. My undergraduate studies already focus on the communications aspect of electronics. A masters degree in electrical engineering with communications as major field is the next logical step. review para3 For the past four months I have been working as a project trainee at the Indian Institute for Advanced Electronics. I am working on the design and development of a "PC Controlled Digital Serial Data Generator". This short stint has given me invaluable practical experience. It has given me the confidence to pursue a masters degree and also kindled a desire to do research. review para4 During the course of my work at IIAE, I have come across several scientists. Most of them work in different areas of communications. Interactions with them have made me realize the vastness and the scope of communications. My discussions with them convinced me that specializing in communications will suit me very well. review para5 The subject of research which interests me very much is spread spectrum communication systems. Coding theory and combinations is another research subject which arouses my curiosity. The subject Communication Theory which I am studying at present introduces these topics in theory. I am eager to find out more about the applications of coding theory to spread spectrum communication systems. review para6 In addition I have been a student member of the IEEE (Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, Inc.) for the past three years. Through its workshops/seminars and publications like the 'The Spectrum' it has exposed me to a lot of emerging technologies in the field of communications. 10 review para7 It is a strong belief in my family that the American education system has the best to offer in the whole world. This belief arises out of the experience that my parents had when they did their Masters of Science in the University of Pennsylvania during the years 1967-69. If I can get an opportunity to be a part of that intellectually stimulating environment, I am sure my talents will be put to optimal use. review para8 India is a developing country with an enormous potential in the information technology business. To serve the needs of this developing industry and more important its vast population, communications is going to become of utmost importance. Thus conditions here are very conducive to supplement my aspirations when I return after completing my graduate studies. review para9 REVIEW 1st Paragraph: While it's accepted wisdom that you have to suck up to the university, doing that in the very first paragraph isn't always seemly. This is something that all applicants should be careful about. Something else that's essential in these personal essays is to sound natural. In this paragraph, 'underscores' and 'par excellent' don't come across too well. This kind of awkward phrasing is best avoided. 2nd Paragraph: The stunted delivery is perpetuated in this paragraph. Also, the idea behind the first three sentences could have been expressed in just one. Certainly could do with tightening. 3rd Paragraph: 'Have been doing communications, hence want to continue doing communications' seems like a facile point to make. And notice how the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs end on pretty much the same note. 4th & 5th Paragraph: The essay is considerably strengthened by his being able to convincingly convey his strong grounding in electronics. The 4th and 5th paragraphs mesh in ideas and content, but the essay loses continuity because the project has been spread over two paragraphs. A project is generally a golden opportunity to convey personal growth, an issue whose importance cannot be understated. An applicant could do well to focus on how she grew as a result of her experiences. A project is perfect in this sense because it can be used to convey both personal and technical growth. 6th Paragraph: It would have been so much better if the applicant had put across what it was about 'spread spectrum communication' etc interests him. Remember that it's always prudent to bring out 11 something about your intended major that strikes you personally. 7th Paragraph: The essay now switches track to biography mode. If this had been placed before the 6th paragraph, the applicant could have possibly quoted something from the magazine that inspired him to take up communications as his major 8th Paragraph: The parents part comes a bit too late in the essay to carry any relevance. By now, you should be building up to a conclusion and this particular essay is let down by bringing in family history this late. 9th Paragraph: Once again, in this paragraph you want to round off all the points you've been trying to make so far. Essentially you want to make them want you. By using a phrase like 'conducive to supplement my aspirations' in the essay, the applicant goes to show that we're still in the awkward zone. Summary: This essay's brevity is it's saving grace Thankfully, it also gets apparent that the applicant has a strong case to make But the essay fails the 'page preview' test. We generally advise applicants to look at their essay by reducing the size of the text to 50% of normal. Even after you've done this you try and decide what each paragraph stands for and then see if the paragraphs link. As a follow-up to what we've said above, this essay barely has a coherent flow. You'd be able to recognize the interests-biography-project-project-interests-biography-conclusion pattern the essay follows. So while it has a lot of interesting elements, they don't add up in a holistic manner. So we'd say that this essay would be an excellent early draft. With a little more thought and effort, it could have morphed into an extremely effective piece of writing. The moral is that initial drafts need strong follow-up action on your part. ESSAY 2 MARKETING RESEARCH Marketing research in India is clearly at a point where it is set to become indispensable if the liberalization of the economy and expansion of consumer choice, which has become palpable in the recent years, is going to continue. With the opening of the Indian economy, the markets have gradually become buyers' markets. In India, market research is essentially used as a reactive tool, it is in the static stage; whereas, I feel that MR should serve as a proactive tool, helping corporations optimize their functioning by bringing research into all marketing efforts, by integrating it into the long and short term marketing strategies and by involving the operational staff who actually carry out the work that can use informed research results. Market research often ends up being used as an isolated tool that gives a narrow picture of the past without giving a holistic view and an insight into the future. review para1 The need of the hour are MR professionals who are true managers - managers who have to 12 facilitate a radical change in the way market research is looked upon today; very often as an activity done by a separate cell and an end in itself. I see myself, as an MR professional, using research as an actionable tool, incorporating cutting edge methodologies, getting the needed results while saving time and money. I want to turn it into a dynamic instrument, use it to feel the pulse of the market, make probabilistic predictions abut the market through sophisticated tools and ultimately get involved in product innovation and strategic planning. review para2 To achieve this, I would like to gain exposure to the latest practices adopted by the trend makers in the field of market research and information systems. To this end, I would probably want to work with a leading international market research firm that would enable me to help corporations leverage their focus. I would like to bring this acquired expertise back to India, and use it to help companies to grow in the stiffly competitive market. I see market research as a sensitive and flexible instrument to be applied with insight, imagination and creativity. review para3 Working at Centennial Cotex and then later at NMC Corp as a part-time associate intern led me to realize the importance of market research to a company. At Centennial Cotex, I was part of a cross-functional team that helped the firm shift its focus to the handicraft market where such coarse fabric was a good alternative. It is here that I gained wide exposure to the SPSS software and other tools of research design. At NMC, I have worked as an efficient and effective coordinator throughout research processes and work directly with numerous researchers on a wide variety of projects. I have experience in research design, questionnaire development, analysis, writing and interpreting results and a range of quantitative and qualitative methods. I am proud to say that I am an enthusiastic individual with good people skills and enjoy working as a team player in a multi-task environment across department lines and organizational levels. review para4 The ability to work in a fast paced setting with time sensitive jobs made my summer internship at Pepsi a further step to learning. I was a part of a number of marketing promotions of the company on a local scale. My project on customer research on a key stock keeping unit required consumer profiling and a high degree of qualitative analysis through a study of buyer behavior using research tools like focus group interviews and perceptual mapping. Based on this study, I have planned and implemented marketing promotions to capture the home segment, within given budget constraints. At Cadence, one of the leading pharmaceutical firms in India, I had carried out a pre-launch survey based study for an antioxidant brand that helped the company identify its target segments. review para5 Apart from these, working on various school projects has given me varied experience on the basis of which I have decided that MR is where I would like to base my future. A career in MR would give me an opportunity to work across boundaries of industry definitions with a number of industries ranging from consumer goods to innovative communication and high tech markets review para6 I possess a broad-based management education. But, in order to attain what I am aiming for, I believe that I require a sharply defined and focussed course in marketing research. The expertise to analyze the marketing as well as the strategic problems faced by companies and implement corresponding solutions is what I want. An international exposure coupled with the immense 13 opportunity in the Indian marketplace will help in breaking new ground in Indian marketing research. review para7 I want to attend University Of Maryland's Master of Marketing Research program for several reasons. The focussed structure of the course will help me concentrate and work towards the attainment of my career goals. The internship provided within the MMR course work would help me gain exposure, insight, knowledge and hands-on experience with real time work environment. I am impressed with the quality of education provided by the university in terms of the well-structured curriculum and the recognized faculty. I look forward to shaping my career in the halls of University Of Maryland. review para8 REVIEW Paragraph 1 Rreasonably good intro. sets the stage for why she would consider doing marketing research Observation about local practices - not apparent whether she's speaking from ppersonal experience or research. if she can't back it up later, could prove dangerous. Paragraph 2 Defines her role in the future of the industry Note the use of buzzwords. while overkill is harmful, is important to show that one knows what one is talking about She's possibly going overboard with technicalities here. non-MR person may not find this as appealing She's also asserting her peronal long-term goals within this framework Paragraph 3 More about personal goals Also notice that she's talking about what she thinks the college will offer her Paragraph 4 Some resume details. may be unnecessary But well tempered with the part about what she can offer the college The fact that she has managerial skills also comes across well Paragraph 5 Note how she has played up MNC experience over that of local companies But is now focussing on her MR skills Paragraph 6 Has built up a substantial argument to support her going for MR as a career Also has exhibited savvy by talking about need to carry over MR to high tech markets Paragraph 7 Final conclusion on skill that she already has and the ones she's looking for This is a good strategy, since you seem to know what you're looking for in your higher education Paragraph 8 Has pointed out unique aspects of the program that appeal to her. has thus shown that she's taken 14 care to read their brochure/ get in touch with seniors. Summary It has pretty much all the elements of a good application essay. The author would probably admit that they dont' always mesh too well. Flow is definitely a problem. What she's done well is that she's consistent in style. the essay does come across as hard-hitting while not be overbearing. The paragraphs could do with some reworking. we prefer that each paragraph say something unique on it's own. her career goals etc get spread out over many paragraphs, losing some coherence along the way. She has also put across that she's been proficient with what she's learnt so far. This candidate was moving from a purely business environment (an mba), to a more specialised field (MR). While it's necessary that she shows how strongly she feels about MR, it's absolutely crucial that her competence in management comes across. ESSAY 3 Business Mgmt I am applying for admission to the Ph.D. program in Business Administration because I want a career in the research and teaching of management. In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance of a business concern, and the manner in which changes in technology affect an organisation's structure, long-term business strategy, product development, manufacturing, supply chains, distribution network, information needs and standard systems. In order to gain an appreciation of these and related issues, it is essential for me to have a strong grounding in Economics, Supply Chain Management, and issues connected with Information Technology, as well as gain a General Management perspective. Review para1 I believe that the Ph.D. program in Business Administration (with concentration in Management) would be invaluable in helping me achieve these objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills in analysing business issues and would open up new avenues in research. Subsequent to earning a Ph.D., I would like to apply for a faculty position at a leading university; and investigate issues concerned with technology as it affects organisation strategy, structure and systems. Review para2 I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found research fascinating since my engineering days, where I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-year undergraduate dissertation; and was judged to have presented the best paper at a Departmental seminar. My four years of engineering education have provided me with a strong grounding in mathematics (I stood first in my Department for each of the four Math papers) and the theoretical aspects of technology. Review para3 15 I joined ABC Business School in order to broaden my perspective and to improve my career prospects. Economics and psychology - subjects new to me - were interesting, and I enjoyed applying quantitative and conceptual skills to analyze business problems. I did very well in projects, desk research, workshops and class discussion, although academically I did not perform to my satisfaction (I finished with a GPA of 2.91, partly due to health reasons). I was voted as one of the ten most promising students in my batch, and received a national-level award for the best business school project, awarded by the Institute of Management Consultants of India. This was for a summer project, entitled "Formulation and Implementation of a Marketing Strategy for HandiCrafts, a unit of the Special Person’s Association". Review para4 Upon graduating from business school I was offered a job with AZ & Co., a management consulting firm which ranks as among India’s largest. This is where I learned how to apply the principles and lessons of management to real life. It was fascinating; and transformed my interest in management research into a passion. I read extensively, trying to keep myself informed about management thinking in my areas of work - structure and systems in an industry and organisation, industrial marketing and strategy. Review para5 I have learnt a lot on my present job. With the rest of my team, I have analysed markets and examined supply and distribution networks for such diverse products and industries as bulk chemicals, fresh fruit exports, toys, packaging machinery, retailing, adhesives, diamonds and pharmaceuticals. I have helped formulate entry strategies, plans for expansion and diversification; and also company business plans. As part of a team, I have carried out preliminary feasibility studies; compared technology options; suggested to the Forex Bank of India, a plan for improving the export competitiveness of India's Chemicals Sector; and studied government schemes for their efficacy. I have studied in detail the organisation structure and systems for one of India's largest manufacturers of automobiles and helped in the restructuring of the company as well as the redesigning of their new systems. Review para6 These assignments have involved interaction with people at all levels of the value chain, and at organisational levels from the Chairman of a $ 200 million firm to a packing clerk earning $1 daily. They have given me the opportunity to interview a number of policy makers, industry analysts and economists in an effort to understand the functioning of, and important issues connected with, each of these industries. Review para7 All this has given me valuable insights into the environment in which companies operate - how they affect this environment and are affected by it. It has enabled me to observe some of the better and worse ways of running a business. Certain assignments have been thought provoking; my most recent assignment, on the redesigning of a company's structure and systems, helped me understand the necessity of good organisation structures, and appreciate the significance of systems that work well. A study on the export competitiveness of India's chemicals sector brought home to me the importance of technology in determining a company's or industry's competitiveness. An assignment involving the evaluation of an air freight subsidy scheme for exporters of fresh fruits raised fundamental questions in my mind about the efficacy of subsidies in improving the competitiveness of an industrial sector, and encouraged me to look at more 16 lasting measures instead. Review para8 The time limitation on each assignment has taught me to plan well, work systematically and keep my reports up-to-date. At the same time, having to defend my analyses and recommendations, during both internal discussions and presentations to clients, has taught me to think rigorously and creatively. Our extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing and presentation packages. Review para9 While the highly diverse nature of assignments has helped me gain a broad exposure to Indian industry, it has not been possible for me to study specific business and technology - related issues in depth. I realise that in order to be able to do so, I need a better understanding of the various facets of management; the interlinkages between different functional areas and between different business entities. Equally important, I need further training in research methodology. Review para10 I want to do a Ph.D. at the College of Business, XYZ University for many reasons. I have heard about XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration from my business school professors and am impressed with the emphasis placed on technical and analytical skills, general management orientation and rigorous research methodology. The School's strengths in supply chain management and information management are commensurate with my research interests. The faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. Review para11 While the study of and research in management is my prime objective today, my interests in literature, music, travel and nature help me maintain a sense of perspective in life. I like to write and have had some articles published in Indian newspapers. I have organized and participated in a number of extra-curricular activities during my college days and have won university and national level prizes in debating, writing and quizzes. I also believe that each of us must give something back to society - to this end, I have worked on a voluntary basis for the Hunger Project for a year; as a teacher and counselor to physically and mentally handicapped children for three years; and as a reader to blind students. Today, I contribute to a local organisation that focuses on the environment of my hometown, Allahabad. Review para12 I hope that the admissions committee finds my background and strengths commensurate with the requirements of XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration. Review para13 REVIEW st1 Paragraph If you can capture your ambitions in a few words, this is the sort of beginning you want to shoot for. Far too many essays begin with cliched sayings or throwbacks to the author’s childhood. However the pitch does get a bit queered in the next line. There are a few words about ‘factors that affect …’ and then an extremely long spiel about ‘changes in technology affect’ absolutely everything there is about an organisation. You don’t have to be a business major to understand that things get a bit confusing since these unrelated ideas are presented in the same line. This results in things coming across in a rather unbalanced manner. 17 2nd paragraph Notice how strongly this paragraph follows up on her avowed career goals illustrated in the first line of the essay. The line about '..enable.. to channel .. quantitative ... ' will need some strong backing up later, if it isn't to sound pretentious. 3rd Paragraph This is a discreet way of getting in the details of one's academic career that otherwise deserve to be on a resume. Far too many applicants like to quote their acheivements without explaining how it will affect their careers. If you're not tactful about it, it could sound a bit vain. 4th Paragraph The award-winning project is rich with unfulfilled promise. Schools are on the lookout for applicants who have contributed to society and a line about how the voluntary sector also needs modern management techniques (or even a contrarian view - corporates needing to learn from NGO's) would add some value. The explanation for a poor GPA is unwarranted. Such issues could be dealt with in a brief note accompanying the application package. Here, it merely serves to offset the otherwise upbeat tone. 5th Paragraph Applicants could do well to consult a style-guide when attempting to be grammatically adventurous. For instance, '...fascinating; and ...' doesn't really gel. Also, notice how things get personal here - 'interest ... into a passion' runs the risk of sounding cliched, but works nevertheless. th6 Paragraph We generally advise applicants to leave most of the hard facts and details for the resume. Here, however, the detailing doesn’t necessarily detract from the essay. It could certainly have been tightened. The diversity of products and industries the author has worked in could have been expressed in fewer words. And there's a minor gaffe when she refers to redesigning of new systems. Once again, this sort of mistake is by no means fatal, but deserves to be eliminated at the editing stage. th7 Paragraph These paragraphs justify the details of Paragraph 3. And do so quite well, by the way. th8 Paragraph In any field, you want to show how you’ve had unique experiences, and more importantly, how you’ve learnt from them. The author handles this beautifully by listing how she’s interacted with different levels within the corporate hierarchy and how this has shaped her perspective on life. The part about the efficacy of subsidies illustrates that the author is prepared to think on issues. It also plugs in well with current international opinions on subsidies. On the other hand, if you're applying to, say, the Karl Marx University of Cuba, you may want to revise how you express these opinions. th9 Paragraph The paragraph does well to spin her experiences in a business perspective. However, essay writers are advised to look out for skills that are generally taken for granted within an industry. Proficiency in basic tools like spreadsheets etc. has been passe for the past few years now. Remember that while such lapses don’t necessarily trash an essay, you don’t want a drop in pace at this stage of the game. This is the sort of sentence that should’ve been dumped at the editing stage. th10 Paragraph 18 This is an ideal way to express what you’re looking for from the University you’re applying to. th11 Paragraph While most of the essay has been tightly edited, things get a bit loose around here. Notice the repetition of ‘excellent’ in the last sentence. Also, ‘commensurate’ isn’t used very accurately here. th12 Paragraph The references to extra-curricular activities could have been slipped in earlier and more naturally. Coming this late in the essay and the accompanying cliches (each of us … to society) blunts the edge that it would have carried if placed earlier in the essay. th13 Paragraph This paragraph would’ve had a stronger impact if the author had dumped the previous one. Also, we believe it’d be a better strategy to link up your talents and suitability for the university with their need for students who will enhance the diversity and experience of the entire incoming class. It’s like a job interview – they shouldn't get the feeling that theirs is the only game in town as far as you are concerned. So a brief mention about how they need you too wouldn’t hurt at this stage. Summary This essay surely makes a strong case for the applicant. We’d like to believe that this essay sets a lot of good examples that other applicants could follow. All the I’s and me’s lend it a personal touch. ‘for me’, ‘I believe’, ‘enable me’, ‘I would like’ : these are terms that all personal statement writers should use profusely - especially when you’re rattling off a bunch of buzzwords. It doesn’t take much for the reader to start believing that the lines have been lifted from a trade magazine, so making everything seem personally relevant is the key. This is merely a palliative, however. You have to back this up with some credible experience. If it seems like you’ve spent your entire life doing nothing much but watch television, saying ‘it’s my experience that employee-empowerment helps an organization leverage core competencies’ won’t convince anyone. This essay also illustrates how you need to present yourself in an all-round light, especially when you’re applying for management courses. It pays to stay in touch with the prevailing ethos that schools believe in. While many of us may have had socially relevant experiences, it takes a certain savvy to highlight them while applying to schools that care. ESSAY 4 MBA Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date. If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad 19 outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work. review para1 My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today. review para2 I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994. review para3 During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touch with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes. review para4 I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to a newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. review para5 Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated. review para6 20 Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading. To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to be a tacit compliment for my efforts. review para7 This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my confidence in my abilities. review para8 Paragraph 1 A good introductory paragraph. This summarizes the next couple of paragraphs and also has a certain intriguing appeal - it arouses the reader's curiosity and impels him to read further. The first sentence, however, could easily have been dropped - the second sentence would make a more compelling introduction to the essay. Paragraph 2 Here the writer develops on the thread of diversity. Note that there is an emphasis on aspects that are important to an MBA course (strong analytical skills, math skills, work experience). The writer shows effectively that she has not been 'wasting her time' - besides earning a degree, she has earned valuable work experience and done something for the environment. Volunteer work is a strong advantage while applying to an MBA course - universities love people with a social conscience! (To a lesser degree, this is true if you're applying to other graduate courses as well, as long as you show that your primary interest, now and in the future, is in the field you are applying to). At the same time, it is important that this experience appears genuine - so before making tall claims, make sure that you can substantiate them, preferably by actually doing some volunteer / social work. The last sentence ties the paragraph together. The argument 'my experiences have shaped me' is invaluable IF you have strong or unusual life experiences and in some cases can also partially compensate for an average or below-average academic record. Paragraph 3 We come to a shift in focus with this paragraph. The writer wraps up the 'diversity' thread well. Saying that she has a diversity of experience to offer, 'among other things', is a good idea - it implies that there is much more to her, qualities and assets that could not be described here because of space limitations 21 It might have been a better idea to begin the next topic - 'most important achievement' in a new paragraph. The abrupt change of subject has a slightly disconcerting effect here. Paragraph 4 While this paragraph is ostensibly an introduction to the problem handled by the writer, it also makes two points, subtly - 1) she had been working in the family firm on a continuous basis and kept her eyes open to spot an area of improvement, 2) she is familiar with popular software packages and very comfortable with a PC. Paragraph 5 The first sentence risks sounding slightly pompous, but the writer's earnestness comes through after reading the paragraph as a whole. Paragraph 6 Comes across as systematic, organized and thorough. Good qualities for any graduate applicant. Paragraph 7 This paragraph shows considerable maturity and learning from the event. A problem is not solved when you have a solution for it - implementing the solution is usually the biggest hurdle. Also, she realizes that company-wide changes rarely yield instant results, and must be followed up over a period of time to evaluate their effects. The last two sentences show that this project also had an effect on the company management's thinking. Paragraph 8 Reflective paragraph on what she has gained from the project. She certainly seems to have been the driving force behind the project and it's an impressive achievement. It might have been a good idea, though, to put in a line or two about how she learned to co-ordinate between various entities to get her job done. Good ending paragraph. 22 Summary This is a mature, well-written application essay. Some of the ideas here are gold mines for other essays - describing how she founding and helping run FOE could be a whole essay by itself, and can be used to show how she used leadership and team skills (see Essay 5 - coming soon). Her experience in assisting in the implementation of an ERP system can also be used as an example of team skills and project management skills. MBA applicants have to write a number of essays for each school. It helps to have a bank of experiences to draw on. Writing a series of essays also means that you can afford to have a limited scope for each essay, and go a little deeper. We do feel, however, that this essay was a tad too limited on the 'candid description' of the writer. Diversity of experiences is an excellent point to make, but one more paragraph on other aspects of the writer's personality would have strengthened the essay. Each application essay should answer the question asked in full. Note, however, that this writer says nothing about any liabilities that might influence graduate work. We have a tricky issue here - must you mention some liabilities just because the question asks for them? Here the writer chooses to ignore them and concentrates on qualities that will be an asset for graduate work. It might have paid off in this case because the essay basically asks, 'How well are you suited for graduate work'. In an essay question of the type, 'Discuss your strengths and weaknesses' such a strategy would not work. Nevertheless, it's a tough choice to make Summary This is a mature, well-written application essay. Some of the ideas here are gold mines for other essays - describing how she founding and helping run FOE could be a whole essay by itself, and can be used to show how she used leadership and team skills (see Essay 5 - coming soon). Her experience in assisting in the implementation of an ERP system can also be used as an example of team skills and project management skills. MBA applicants have to write a number of essays for each school. It helps to have a bank of experiences to draw on. Writing a series of essays also means that you can afford to have a limited scope for each essay, and go a little deeper. We do feel, however, that this essay was a tad too limited on the 'candid description' of the writer. Diversity of experiences is an excellent point to make, but one more paragraph on other aspects of the writer's personality would have strengthened the essay. Each application essay should answer the question asked in full. Note, however, that this writer says nothing about any liabilities that might influence graduate work. We have a tricky issue here - must you mention some liabilities just because the question asks for them? Here the writer chooses to ignore them and concentrates on qualities that will be an asset for graduate work. It might have paid off in this case because the essay basically asks, 'How well are you suited for graduate work'. In an essay question of the type, 'Discuss your strengths and weaknesses' such a strategy would not work. Nevertheless, it's a tough choice to make UNCRITIQUED ESSAY 1 23 Computer Science I remember the day as if it were yesterday. During my second year in college, I was attempting to transmit a group of characters comprising my name from one computer to another. I connected the computers using RS-232 cable, wrote the necessary programs and executed them. I typed my name on one terminal and rushed to the other to see the results. "Wow, this is magic!" I exclaimed as I read 'Tom' on the screen. While I realized intuitively that a complex version of this elementary network could achieve much, at the time I had no real idea what. Now, four years later, I know that Networking makes possible a plethora of applications, from video-conferencing over the Internet to linking banks through private networks. It still seems like magic. Or rather, a grand adventure - one that I most certainly want to be part of. My interest in applied science dates back to my school days. During high school, I was fascinated with electronic gadgets. Soon thereafter, designing and building basic circuits started as a hobby. Along the way, however, I realized that the problem-solving aspect of making electronic gadgets was what I enjoyed the most. Engineering was a natural career choice after this. During my undergraduate studies at the Electronics & Communication department of M.K. College of Engineering, subjects like Microprocessors, C-Programming, Computer Networks interested me the most. I was awestruck by the potential of Intel 8086 microprocessor, more so by the manner in which its faster and more powerful cousins revolutionized the working of computers in a decade. I was now determined to focus on microprocessors during my Final Year project. I elected to do the project at National Space Research Organization (NSRO) as it has an outstanding infrastructure setup and a stimulating, world-class research environment. This enabled me to work with some of the best minds dedicated to engineering research in my country. I gained a lot from this association - in particular, an idea of how rewarding and meaningful a career in research could be. The more tangible benefits have been a deeper insight into architecture and working of microprocessors and thorough C-programming skills. Sometimes I spent more than ten hours a day at NSRO, reading manuals and troubleshooting circuits and debugging code. I am glad to say the effort paid off in the end. Mr. Tendulkar, my project guide, deemed the results of my project to be most valuable. The interface card that I designed was later added to NSRO's Spacecraft Interface Simulator (SIS) systems. This project was the highlight of my academic career. Most importantly, I left NSRO with the decision to study advanced computing. During my first job at Neville Engineering and Locomotive Co. (NELCO), I developed a real-time monitoring system for the Molding Line in Foundry. Success on this project gave me the confidence to provide software solutions to real-life problems. Although I liked the job, software development at NELCO was a support function. I therefore switched to Mohinder Belgian Telecom Ltd. (MBT), a multinational company providing software solutions in wide-ranging fields, telecommunications being its forte. At MBT, I have been involved with Project ART, Belgian Telecom's new front-end system providing intelligent access to its 24 Customer Service System (CSS). Working on this project has helped me hone my programming skills on real-life problems. I developed an appreciation of 'the big picture', and conversely how important details are. I also discovered leadership skills in myself, and frequently assisted colleagues who had little or no background in computers. As an outcome of this, the company asked me to take occasional seminars on Operating Systems and C-Programming for my colleagues. I have been appointed Team Leader within a year and today, I independently look after enhancements and maintenance of three modules out of the sixteen in Project ART. During my work on project ART at MBT and through my interaction with colleagues, I have grown to admire the role of Computer Networks in empowering end-users. I am not directly involved with Computer Networks in my job, but through avid reading of periodicals and journals like 'Network World', I have sustained my interest in the field. In fact, after reading about the immense potential of path-breaking protocols such as 'Multicast' and applications like 'Voice Over IP' and 'Virtual Private Networks', I cannot help but feel excited about the potential for new research in this area. While my present job has helped me develop a thorough insight into project handling, the industry environment that I am currently in cannot support my desire for research. I possess industry-hardened skills in Computers, but I must build on these to achieve my goal of undertaking cutting-edge research in advanced computing, with specific reference to Computer Networks. I therefore believe that I must return to the academic world for further growth. I wish to earn an MS degree in Computer Science. I intend to follow this up with a Ph.D., and later, a career in research and teaching. I have spoken to my professors, seniors and colleagues about my choice of University, and have applied to Princeton University because it is reputable for its research facilities and computing resources. The department web site revealed a very strong faculty involved in extensive research in the area of Computer Networks. This has strengthened my resolve to study at Princeton University. I bring along a strong grasp of fundamentals in Electronics and Computers, an aptitude for teaching and team work, a zest for challenges and an enthusiastic desire to learn all I can. I would like to take with me, in addition to knowledge of Computer Networks, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my teachers and fellow-students. I hope that my background and qualifications are found suitable for an MS in Computer Science at Princeton University. UNCRITIQUED ESSAY 2 Life Sciences The working of the brain (like most of nature) is all about synchrony. My interest in the brain and biology of behavior gained fresh impetus during my undergraduate studies at St. Paul's. As a volunteer at the Social Involvement Program in my college, I helped with children who had cerebral palsy, attention deficit and learning disorders and were autistic. Each of them had 25 special needs. Their individual personalities complete with likes and dislikes shone through their disorders. However it soon became clear that in spite of all their differences, what lay at the crux of their problems was asynchrony. They lacked the correct interplay of physical and chemical signals between their brains and their bodies. I want to know why these "crossed" signals make their learning and memory processes different from mine. Is it possible for us to remedy the altered perspective they have of life? My brain communicates in synch with my body. But who is waving the baton that conducts this perfect symphony? How would it be any different if I had a glass of champagne, a snort of cocaine or was 60 years older? As my undergraduate studies at St. Paul's progressed, I was introduced to many more players that eventually chisel out a unique brain. Aging and neuro degenerative disorders raised a few questions in my mind. In what way are the two related to each other? What effect do they have on our brain and behavior? How do the same molecules (whether hormones, alcohol, drugs or neurotransmitters) elicit a confluence of physical and emotional experiences in us? While reading about the research being done in the Behavioral Neuroscience program at Binghamton, I have come across work that can provide answers to my questions about the brain and its link with behavior. When I graduated, I knew how the brain looked and worked. I want to continue my education with a study that will help me gain a deeper understanding of communication within the brain. I am looking forward to being a part of the work being done in the labs of Dr. Paul Silver and Linda Steele. Like most of us, I started out with the same sheet of epithelial cells that developed into a perfect little brain. However, I think the power of this brain lies in the way it has changed with experiences, environment and me to become a structure that is uniquely mine. Aging, chemicals and disease are just a few of the many tools that chisel out an individual brain. Their mechanisms of action have been a source of interest to me ever since my first encounter with them. I hope to turn this interest into a learning experience at Binghamton. The highlight of my undergraduate years was the Honors Program, which taught me to apply the knowledge I had gained, to achieve a particular aim. One of my projects was as a teacher at the Open Ended Experiments (OEE). I helped my juniors understand vital theories, which they could apply to perform simple experiments. Sometimes one of the best ways to learn is by teaching someone else and thanks to the OEE I have gained new insight into many aspects of my subject. I enjoyed watching the way my questions made someone think and finally learn. I see teaching as an important part of my future. The sharing of ideas and new findings has always been a vital part of my undergraduate life. Presentations were a perfect opportunity for me to explore beyond the syllabus and were instrumental in giving me a competitive edge over my peers. I relish a chance to indulge my creative side and gaining a deeper understanding of my work in the process make presentations a good bargain! I enjoy diving into a flood of data, picking out relevant 26 information and delivering it all to an appreciative audience! The dynamic nature of scientific research was revealed to me as I worked on my presentations. Often new theories replaced old ones so fast that I was updating my work right up till the morning I had to present. Once out of college, I was thirsting to put into practice all my undergraduate education. Interning at Wellcome Institute of Fundamental Research (WIFR) under Dr. Ray has given me the perfect opportunity to glimpse at the career I am entering. As my education has progressed, my resolve to have a career in research has strengthened. At WIFR I saw first hand, the effect that improper communication between the brain and body had on behavior. A defect in a transporter for cholineacetyltransferase results in a lack of acetylcholine at the synapses, which among other things gives rise to an uncoordinated fly. Besides opening up the world of scientific research to me, my experiences here have taught me that mistakes do not always have to hold you back, and often take you closer to your goal. Things often look easy to do at first glance, but a lot of hard work is involved in making them seem that way. After standardizing some protocols myself, I now understand the kind of effort that goes into developing the techniques that make my work so much easier. I have expanded on my work and my motivation to join WIFR in an attachment to this essay. I am interested in the study of behavioral and cognitive processes because they play an important role in defining us as a species. The study of organisms as diverse as humans, birds, mice and flies brings us closer everyday to the answers we seek. Perhaps there will come a time when research about the brain will eventually culminate in an understanding so profound that it will allow us to tell just from a simple MRI, the kind of life an individual has led. Right from the substances he has abused to the molecules that make him the person he is. My life experiences have moulded me in to a hardworking and what I would call an "unflappable" person. I have learnt that in science (and life) it doesn't hurt to have a healthy sense of humor. My future goals include establishing a career in research and educating people about science. Scientific research has its origins in a very fundamental human character -- curiosity. It is very important though, to ask the right question. Research in Behavioral Neuroscience at Binghamton has raised many relevant questions and I would like to be one of the people working towards the answers. UNCRITIQUED ESSAY 3 Financial Engineering Finance, as a field, had always fascinated me right from my undergraduate college days. I believe my penchant for this field stems from the fact that Finance runs in my family. My father is a chartered accountant and my mother is a banker. During my days at Engineering College I used to go to my father's office and help him manage his portfolio of equities and other financial instruments. This was the time I learnt the first lesson of finance from my father i.e. risk and return are proportionate. In 1994 when I was in the second year the Indian stock market crashed. But fortunately, my father had a well-diversified portfolio because of which our 27 returns were protected from the downside risk. This was when I learnt the second principle of finance from my father i.e. diversification reduces risk. While I understood these two principles intuitively, it produced in me a strong urge to learn and understand the complex theory behind the working of Finance. This, I believe, was a turning point in my career. I made up my mind to pursue a career in Finance and hence decided to do a Masters program in Business Administration. Hence I took admission in Post Graduate Diploma in Business Administration (PGDBA) at AB Institute of Management Studies (ABIMS), New Delhi, which is one of the prominent Business schools in India. During PGDBA, I developed a strong penchant for quantitative-oriented subjects like Portfolio theory, Derivatives and International Finance. During the first year of PGDBA I learnt how Derivatives can play an important role in optimizing a Portfolio's performance and in managing risk. This exposure left me wanting for more knowledge in the area of Risk Management. Because of my penchant for the rigor in Derivatives and Risk Management I took my summer internship at LTCM-securities, one of the leading investment banks in India. During my project I learnt about various risks associated with Infrastructure Projects and how they were mitigated using different risk models and structured finance products. It was at this time that I realized the importance of mathematics and programming as invaluable tools in Finance. I had always felt that applying my technical knowledge to the field of Finance would be highly satisfying. This internship, thus, helped me crystallize my goals as I decided to make a career in Risk Management. In India with the onset of liberalization since 1991 and deregulation of the interest rates, the Indian corporations and financial institutions are exposed to various kinds of risks. The Government and the Reserve Bank of India have initiated appropriate reforms to develop derivatives markets and financial markets on the whole. This has suddenly increased the demand for professionals who can not only understand but also develop new financial instruments to evaluate and hedge the risk. I believe that in order to use financial engineering pro-actively and dynamically for optimum hedging a finance professional should be well versed with the mathematics that underlie the financial theory. In the future I see myself, as a Finance professional, designing structured financial products by incorporating cutting edge methodologies and sophisticated tools in order to cater to the above mentioned requirements. To achieve this I would like to gain exposure to the latest practices adopted in the field of Financial Engineering and Risk Management. To this end I would want to work with a leading investment bank or in the treasury of a commercial bank, which would enable me to help corporations manage their risks. I would like to bring this acquired expertise back to India and use it to help companies thrive in a dynamic environment. I believe that my educational background has instilled in me the qualities required to meet the rigor of this demanding profession. Graduation in Engineering has provided a strong foundation in Mathematics and Computer Programming. Mathematics was one subject in which I had always excelled right from my school days. During the course of my Engineering education I took up a project with MH Electronics, a firm which is a vendor of Indian Ocean 28 Research Organisation (IORO). This was because the project, which I was offered, required extensive use of C programming language and MATLAB. This project of developing the software for a video-processing card (Frame Grabber) for the first time gave me a real world experience of programming. This association helped a lot in consolidating my programming skills, especially in C-language. Thus, it inculcated in me problem solving and analytical abilities. Thereafter the two-year program in Business Administration has not only given me a sound and firm grounding in finance but also taught me the invaluable skills to manage, lead and collaborate effectively with people. It also developed in me the ability to analyse problems from a business perspective keeping in mind the constraints and limitations of the real world. I strongly feel that M.Eng in Financial Engineering program at Kingston University is a highly structured program because it provides the right balance between theory and practice. The annual workshops at the Centre for Applied Probability and Computational Optimization Research Centre would give me ample of opportunities to apply my knowledge to real world problems. I bring along a strong grasp of fundamentals in Finance and Engineering, an insider's experience of an emerging financial market, a penchant for teamwork and leadership and a zest for challenges. I would like to take with me in addition to the knowledge of the latest theory and practices in the field of Financial Engineering, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my teachers and fellow-students. I hope my background and qualifications are found suitable for admission to M.Eng in Financial Engineering program at Kingston University, USA. LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION What are recommendations for ? Recommendations are meant to provide a third-person perspective on you as an individual. While your grades/scores are supposed to represent your intellectual capabilities and your essay allows you the opportunity of presenting your point of view, recommendations by those who know you give the university an independent assessment of your skills and qualities. Unfortunately, a number of applications ask for elaborate recommendations that are frequently a burden on faculty and superiors. It's not uncommon to hear of faculty asking the student to write his/her own recommendation and then editing them for effect. This is even more likely to be the case in a work environment, where few would like to waste their time answering often absurd questions. In response to requests from visitors to our site, we've decided to provide some advice on how to make the most of your recommendations. 29 Here's what we, ..uh, recommend... Please note that by no means do we endorse the practice of applicants writing their own recommendations. It put many students in a position they'd rather not be in. But the sad fact is that many applicants have little say in this matter. And even if you are fortunate enough to have people around you who are prepared to write up their own recommendations for you, there are certain aspects you could try to keep in mind. Hence this section should be useful for all applicants. LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION Selecting the right people to recommend you : Do they know you well enough You don't want to go for someone who doesn't remember your name. Which is why it's always prudent to stick with immediate superiors or professors (in an academic setting). More importantly, will the university believe that they know you well enough. If the CEO of the firm where you interned is recommending you, make sure it's clear that your interaction with the recommender is apparent in the write-up. The University could very well question the credibility of a recommendation if it appears to have been manipulated. How much credibility are they likely to hold with the university. In academia, professors are likely to carry more weight compared to lab-assistants. In any case, make sure that the professional competence of the person recommending you is apparent. Are they likely to give you a positive recommendation And you want to be doubly sure of this. You may want to stay away from the unreliable ones. If necessary, approach the person and ask them upfront. Since they're likely to have written recommendations for applicants before, it's not too much to expect them to understand your anxiety. However, use your discretion in case you aren't too sure of how he/she will react. Get some variety into your recommendations For multiple recommendations, look out for whether the recommendations are likely to rehash the same aspects of your personality. As far as possible, get recommendations from people who've interacted with you in different situations. For example, an engineering student would be well advised to get recommendations from a professor, a lab instructor and someone like a project guide. The professor could attest to the student's keen sense of class participation. The instructor could focus on his/her skills in the laboratory and the project-guide on his/her flair for research and getting to the root of problems. Co-ordinate your recommendations with the rest of your application If the somewhere in rest of your application you've focussed on something like a particular 30 project, it would be particularly useful to try and build on that by providing a recommendation from the person who guided you through that project. Likewise, if you've talked about your biggest achievement at work, how about getting your boss at the time to recommend you. LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION How to go about doing it Make a list of persons you are going to ask to recommend you. If possible, jot down a few extra names whom you could depend on in case of an emergency. Make sure they are willing to do so. Talk it over with them. See if they are reasonably sure they'd like to do for you. Be clear that recommendations are a pain for everyone involved, but most so for those who have to actually write them up. No one enjoys writing recommendations. And so you can't depend on someone who isn't too sure he/she'd like to recommend you. Make sure they know what you want to do If they knew you were interested in marketing research and not finance, maybe they wouldn't have said that you'd be a great asset to the finance class. Of course, the persons recommending you are often busy people, so you may want to give them a note alongside the rest of the material we've listed in our next point. ShowTime Each of the persons recommending you deserves a copy of your resume. Along with that, give them the original recommendation form and a copy too. In this copy, give them points that you'd like covered in their write-up. If the form asks them to list an incident where you displayed leadership skills, it'd make it easier for them if you have provided them with a few incidents that you think would be suitable. Let them do the descriptive part. Your job is to make sure they remember a few relevant incidents. You could even attach a note saying that you'd rather they talk about your pet project, etc. Related Issues Make your timeframe absolutely clear. And while we're on the topic, be considerate and give them a few weeks to prepare your recommendation. Be sure that you've given yourself a buffer of a week or two to make up for unexpected exigencies. Also clear up whether they'd like to mail the recommendation themselves or whether they want you to do the needful. Consult the application brochure to make sure you're aware of what your university prefers. LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION If you are writing the recommendation yourself 31 Make them sound different Writing all your recommendations in the same style is just asking for trouble. Remember that these recommendations will stay on your record for a long time to come. So even if you aren't caught during the application phase, it's quite possible that they'll come to haunt you, say, when you're begging for an assistantship. Don't use too many superlatives. None, if possible. And never in pairs. Saying that you're the 'most brilliant' student to have walked the halls of the college is poor English and likely to result in that recommendation getting excluded if your transcripts don't back it up. Make it believable There's no doubt that you're the brightest student your professor has ever seen (like the dozen others who have asked him to recommend them). But if your professor puts you in the top 5% in every category that he's been asked to rank you, and your transcripts show that you averaged in the bottom 25% of your class, it's bound to raise some eyebrows. So take it easy on those adjectives and percentages. Make sure you match up the assessments in the recommendation with the hard figures that your transcripts reveal. Try and talk about aspects of your personality that haven't been covered elsewhere The recommendation really is a magnificent opportunity to do this. So instead of getting your professor to describe your entire project (which you've already talked about in your resume/essay), say that he saw you grow during the year that you were assisting him on the project. How your already superior fundamentals in the subject were reinforced by your having developed considerable finesse and accuracy in the laboratory. Refer to the essay writing part of this site Think of it like an essay. In fact, it is an essay. So for god's sake, give it structure and flow; and work on that content. Try to get across outstanding achievements Read your resume and essay again. See if this recommendation provides you with a chance to bolster some of the claims you've made elsewhere. Co-ordinate with your goals Think of what you'd like to be doing in the near future. For example, science and engineering students generally seek assistantships in research or teaching once they're at their university. It's quite likely that the person reviewing your application for an assistantship will look at your application recommendations. If someone recommending you has said something about your having presented a seminar on 'Big dams are examples of poor engineering', or having conducted outstanding research as part of your project, it would substantially add to your chances of clinching the assistantship. Use discretion and good judgement Since you're depending on others for this part of the application, your staying sensible is of 32 utmost importance. Everything from scheduling meetings with the person recommending, to giving them a deadline, to suggesting what they should highlight in their assessment requires a lot of tact on your behalf. So stick you 33