WhyIWantaWife我为什么希望有个老婆
李井岗 译注
I belong to that ClASsification of people known as wives。 I am a
Wife。 And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother。
Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce。 He had one child, who is, of course,
with his ex-wife。 He is looking for another wife。 As I thought about
him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I,
too, would like to have a wife。 Why do I want a wife?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support
those dependent upon me, I want a wife who will work and send me to school。 And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children。 I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments。 And to keep track of mine, too。 I want a wife who will
wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended。 I want a wife who is
a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their
schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their
peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc。 I want a wife who takes
care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be
around when the children need special care, because, of cause, I
cannot miss ClASses at school。 My wife must arrange to lose time at
work and not lose the job。 It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income
from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that。 Needless to say, my
wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working。
I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs。 I want a
wife who will keep my house clean。 A wife who will pick up after my
children, a wife who will pick up after me。 I want a wife who will keep
my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who
will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it。 I want a wife who cooks the
meals, a wife who is a good cook。 I want a wife who will plan the
menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve
them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying。 I
want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school。 I want a wife to go along when our
family takes a vacation so that somesone can aomtinue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene。
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints
about a wife’s duties。 But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies。 And I want a wife who type my papers for me when I have written them。
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life。
When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who
will take care of the babysitting arrangements。 When I meet people at
school that I like who will have the house clean, will prepare a special
meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends。 I want a wife who will have
arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us。 I want a wife who takes care
of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure
that they have an sahtray, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their
coffee is served to them as they like it。 And I want a wife who knows
that sometimes I need a night out by myself。
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