基于微写作提升语言技能的读后续写讲评（以Z20读后续写---寻找彩虹源头的女孩为例）

基于微写作提升语言技能的读后续写讲评（以Z20读后续写---寻找彩虹源头的女孩为例）杭州二中树兰高级中学郭合英2021年8月Z20开学考读后续写：Onesummerafternoon,whenIwasabouteightyearsofage,Iwaslookingatabeautifulrainbowthat,bendingfromthesky,seemedtobelosingitselfinathickwoodaboutaquarterofamiledistant.“Doyouknow,Gracie,”saidmybrother,whowasjustrecoveringfromasevereillness,weakandtired,"thatifyoushouldgototheendoftherainbow,youwouldfindthereprecioustreasures?”“Isittrulyso?”Iasked.“Trulyso,”answeredmybrother,withasmilebutaveryseriousface.Now,Iwasasimple-heartedchildwhobelievedeverythingthatwastoldtome;so,withoutanotherword,Irushedouttowardthewood.Mybrothercalledaftermeasloudlyashewasableto,butIdidnottakeanynoticeofhim.Icarednothingforthewetgrass,onandonIran.IwassosurethatIknewjustwherethatrainbowended.ButwhenIreachedthecedars(雪松林）,theendoftherainbowwasnotthere!AbruptlyIsawitshiningdownamongthetreesalittlefartheroff;soonandonIstruggled,throughthethickbushes,tillIcamewithinthesoundofastream.Ireachedthebankofthestream,andIcouldseeitalittlewayoffontheotherside.Icrossedthestreamonafallentree,andstillranon,thoughmymuscleswereachingandmykneesshaking.SuddenlyImetinmywayalargeporcupine(豪猪）.Iranawayfromhimasfastasmytiredfeetwouldcarryme.InmyfrightandhurryIforgottokeepmyeyesontherainbow,andwhen,atlast,Irememberedandlookedforit,itwasnowhereinsight!WhenIsawthatitwasindeedgone,Iburstintotears,forIhadlostallmytreasures,andhadnothingbutmuddyfeetandawetandtorndress.SoIsetoutforhome.注意：1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语；3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。Paragraph1:ButIsoonfoundthatmytroubleshadonlybegun.、Paragraph2:AtlastIheardmyownnamecalled.Teachingcontents:1.Understandthestoryanddefinethetheme读懂故事，确定主题2.Usethegivensentencesandkeywordstorefinetheplot利用给出句和关键词，完善情节3.Analyzethefeaturesoflanguageandmakeuseofmicro-writingtorichexpression.剖析语言，巧用微写作，丰富表达4.Usethemicro-writingtoperfectthesituation巧用微写作，完善情境5.Modelessay范文Teachinggoals：Basedonmic-writing,theteachershelpthestudentsimprovethelanguageabilitytowritecontinuouswriting.Afterteachingthislesson,youwill1.Analyzethelanguagefeaturesofthepassage.2.Basedonthelanguagefeatures,makeuseofthemic-writingtomakesentences.3.Makeuseofthemic-writingtocreateasituationwithavarietyofdescription,suchasactiondescription,psychologicaldescription.Teachinghighlights:Basedonthelanguagefeatures,makeuseofthemic-writingtomakesentences.Makeuseofthemic-writingtocreateasituationwithavarietyofdescription,suchasactiondescription,psychologicaldescription.Teachingdifficulties:Makeuseofthemic-writingtocreateasituationwithavarietyofdescription,suchasactiondescription,psychologicaldescription.Teachingsteps：Step1：Lead-in：Tostimulatethestudents’interest,theteacherwillshowashortvideo“Overtherainbow”.Step2:文本解读：Understandthestoryanddefinethetheme读懂故事，确定主题Choosethebestansweraccordingtothepassage.1.WhydidGracie’sbrothercallherwhenGracierushedouttowardthewood?A.Becauseherbrotherregrettedtellingherthething.B.Becauseherbrotherfearhertakingthetreasures.C.Becauseherbrotherwantedhersistertotakecareofhim.D.Becauseherbrotherhadtakenthetreasures.2.WhydidGracierunonend,ignoringthewetgrass?A.Becauseshewastoldtodoso.B.Becauseshewascheated,runningforwreaking.C.Becauseshewasafraidoftheporcupine.D.Shebelievedfirmlyshecouldfindtherainbowend.3.WhatwasthefeelingwhenGraciefirstlyrushedintothethickwood?A.pessimisticB.fearlessC.timidD.nervous4.WhydidthebrothermentiontheprecioustreasuretoGracie?A.Becausetherewasreallyalotoftreasureattheendoftherainbow.B.Becausehewantedtheirfamilyberich.C.Becauseitimpliedthethemeofthearticle.D.Becausehewantedtoprovehewashealthy.（2）理清脉络5个W1个H5个W1个HCONTENTSwhowhenwherewhatwhyhowStep3:Usethegivensentencesandkeywordstorefinetheplot利用给出句和关键词，完善情节Paragraph1:ButIsoonfoundthatmytroubleshadonlybegun.Paragraph2:AtlastIheardmyownnamecalled.Step4：Analyzethefeaturesoflanguageandmakeuseofmicro-writingtorichexpression剖析语言，巧用微写作，丰富表达由此可知，续文的语言特点要遵循原文的语言特点，做到语言协同。为此，笔者采用微写作的方式，引导学生创造和模仿原文语言，达到与原文语言风格一致的目的。【文本句子】Onesummerafternoon,whenIwasabouteightyearsofage,Iwaslookingatabeautifulrainbowthat,bendingfromthesky,seemedtobelosingitselfinathickwoodaboutaquarterofamiledistant.【文本句子】Now,Iwasasimple-heartedchildwhobelievedeverythingthatwastoldtome;【模仿要点】定语从句，现分作定的句式特点。【句子仿写】就在我绝望的时刻，我听到了一个声音，在森林上方萦绕，似乎来自家的方向。【文本句子】“Doyouknow,Gracie,”saidmybrother,whowasjustrecoveringfromasevereillness,weakandtired,"thatifyoushouldgototheendoftherainbow,youwouldfindthereprecioustreasures?”【模仿要点】定语从句、宾语从句、虚拟语气和形容词作状语【句子仿写】丛林中，感到孤独无助的我躺在地上，又饿又累。想像着如果这个时候爸爸、妈妈在就好了。【文本句子】Mybrothercalledaftermeasloudlyashewasableto,butIdidnottakeanynoticeofhim.【模仿要点】短语：takenoticeof=notice注意【句子仿写】我没有注意到来时的路，结果迷失在森林中。【文本句子】Icarednothingforthewetgrass,onandonIran.IwassosurethatIknewjustwherethatrainbowended.ButwhenIreachedthecedars(雪松林）,theendoftherainbowwasnotthere!AbruptlyIsawitshiningdownamongthetreesalittlefartheroff;soonandonIstruggled,throughthethickbushes,tillIcamewithinthesoundofastream.【模仿要点】短语：onandon+主+谓【句子仿写】我焦急地寻找着回家的路，像个兔子一样在森林中不停地乱跑。【文本句子】Iranawayfromhimasfastasmytiredfeetwouldcarryme.【模仿要点】无灵表达【句子仿写】在空无一人的森林里，恐惧深深地抓住了我。【句子仿写】尽管是白天，茂密的森林发出阴冷的光，好像一个巨大的怪物，张开它的血盆大口，好像要把我吃掉。恐惧爬上了我的心头，使我浑身不寒而栗。【文本句子】InmyfrightandhurryIforgottokeepmyeyesontherainbow,andwhen,atlast,Irememberedandlookedforit,itwasnowhereinsight!【模仿要点】keepone’seyeon注视，监视；insight看见【句子仿写】我靠在树上，抬头注视着天空，努力迫使自己冷静下来：我必须想出一个办法使自己走出森林。【句子仿写】一看见哥哥，我就像离弦的箭一样朝他飞奔过去，委屈地嚎啕大哭。【文本句子】WhenIsawthatitwasindeedgone,Iburstintotears,forIhadlostallmytreasures,andhadnothingbutmuddyfeetandawetandtorndress.SoIsetoutforhome.【模仿要点】begone消失了，不见了；nothingbut只有【句子仿写】最后，我眯着眼睛凝视着天空，天上除了白云什么都没有。天上的彩虹不见了，这使我伤心极了，心仿佛被撕成了碎片。Step5Usethemicro-writingtoperfectthesituation巧用微写作，完善情境向学生强调细节对情境的重要性，并对细节进行分类，包括语言、心理、动作、表情、场景等。每一种类的细节都有其相应的作用。老师们可以利用微写作，创设相应的情境，赋予故事生命力和鲜活的画面感，让续写内容更加生动、有趣。【创设情境】虽然是大白天，可是在我心里，白天犹如漆黑的夜。在空无一人的茂密丛林中，我吓得要死，呆在原地放声大哭。【创设情境】炎热的夏天，丛林里密不透风，这使我满身是汗。找不到回家的路，我害怕地喘不过气来，着急地好像有十个太阳在心里燃烧。我的无助感油然而生，情不自禁地绝望地哭了。【创设情境】正午的阳光热辣辣地撒向大地，投下的树影像一条条爬来爬去的蛇，吐着长长的舌头朝我扑过来，我害怕极了，大声哭喊，感觉自己的心好像从身体里被撕开了一样。【创设情境】当哥哥和妈妈突然出现在我眼前的时候，我就像看到了分开十年的亲人，激动的热泪盈眶。我张开双臂，像鸟儿一样朝他们飞奔过去。此时，我感到空气如玫瑰般清新，阳光如少女般温柔，我脸上的笑容像钻石一样闪闪发光。【创设情境】当听到有人叫我名字的时态，我高兴极了，忘记所有的伤心和疲倦，从地上一跃而起，朝喊我的方向，拼命地挥手，并大声疾呼，“我在这儿。”【创设情境】当哥哥看到我的时候，一股歉意的微笑挂在他的脸上。他紧紧地抱着我，说，“世间最最珍贵的珍宝是亲情，不是天上的彩虹。”我的眼睛湿润了，紧紧地抱着哥哥仿佛想把他的呼吸挤出来。Step6Modelessay范文Analyzethemodelessay.(从情节、衔接、语言、描写、修辞等方面去分析)Thefeaturesofthepassage:ApossibleanswerHomeworkApplythemicro-writingskilltoothercontinuouswritings.